fangirl dilemma: love or obsession

August 5, 2014 § Leave a comment

Jenna writes,

 I have been watching danisnotonfire a lot. He makes me so happy whenever I watch his videos. I love his personality, his smile, his eyes, and everything about him. But I am way younger than him, I have never met him, and he lives in London and I live in America. He is all I ever think of at night.  I literally dream of him. I read so many FanFics. Could I be in love with him or am I just an obsessed fangirl? It makes me so sad that he is older, he will never know who I am, and he will never notice me. I’m just another fan. Help please. 😦

Jenna, you’re just an obsessed fangirl.  I mean, aren’t we all in some way or another? You can go through life distracting yourself with the unattainable, or you can figure out what function your Dan-worship serves.  Often we read fic or daydream because we’re trying to distract ourselves from thoughts that make us feel uncomfortable or sad.  It’s in our biology, as our brains are actually programmed to distract us in order to keep us going.  But this kid is not your solution, Jenna–he’s just keeping you occupied until you figure out what is.

Deciding what’s love and what isn’t love is never usually a helpful exercise. But I do know that the best relationships are honest, open, and equal.  And they don’t succeed unless we’re willing to work on those icky parts of ourselves that we try to forget when we fangirl a little too hard.

What would your life look like if you took that enthusiasm and energy you channel towards someone you have never met and put it back on you? If you can love something or someone that intensely, then you have the ability to make yourself into someone fantastic.

Love,

Kathleen

 

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