Secret Jetsetter

May 17, 2017 § Leave a comment

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Jennifer writes,

Came across this book and site recently and have a fangirl question. I wouldn’t say I’m an obsessive fan, but when I fan over something I love it intensely and deeply and blog about it all day. When they’re celebrities and there’s a fan meet, I feel a real need to meet them. For the last 3 years, about once a year, I’ve been buying tickets overseas to attend fan meets in secret (often having to lie to others about my location and purpose for travel because it’s embarrassing and very last minute). I also fly 8-10 hours just for 2-3 days because I often have to get back to work. But I have a huge problem with plane anxiety and feel the guilt of lying to people I love…though I don’t mean to deceive them. I feel nervous that if something happened to me, they would be really upset…and all because I wanted to meet my favourite celebrity! Yesterday, I made the decision to not go on a plane to attend a fan meet I really wanted to see because it would mean that I’d have to get back on my sister’s birthday the next day, and I was nervous about the plane ride. I feel less guilty and relieved that I don’t have to ride on a plane, but also really empty and sad that I didn’t go through with my choice. How can I stop myself from feeling this way? What would you suggest I do about my addiction to overseas fan meets?

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Be My Friend

October 21, 2016 § 2 Comments

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Jolie writes,

Hey Kathleen!

I want to start by letting you know that I’m really happy about The Fangirl Life. Recently I’ve been uncovering my creative side outside of my obsessions so I feel like your book would be a huge help to me. Unfortunately right now I’m going on holiday overseas really soon and I’ve gotta save, but I will definitely get onto buying ASAP 🙂

Now, here’s the thing – I’m part of a super obscure fandom so unlike a lot of fans sometimes I find it hard to connect to people who share the same interests online. And even if I do come across them, I have no idea how to approach them in a way that would make a friendship between us seem organic. Since I don’t use Twitter or Tumblr I usually find them on YouTube, and that’s not really a ‘social media’ as much as it is a video platform.

Which leads to the fact that I found someone from within my general interest circle who inspired me a lot because they’ve harnessed their passions and turned them into a personal living, and a meaningful contribution to the world. They live on the other side of the globe, but I found their social media (stalker, I know) and I’d really like to message them, probably even ask to write to them, just to let them know how much they motivate me; it’d make me feel like I’d have someone to connect to as well. But I’m just some chick from another country who’s never met them but managed to track down their profile – I feel like they might that find that creepy and that’s what’s making me really hesitant.

I’m so sorry about the length of this post, but advice would be very much appreciated!
Thank you 🙂

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Misogyny in Fandom

October 20, 2016 § Leave a comment

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Julia writes,

I can’t deal with (internalized) misogyny in fandom anymore. I’m so tired of fandom making everything about dudes. I pretty much exclusively watch shows with a female point of view and several amazing, well-written, complex female characters, but somehow the fandoms of these shows are still all about the male characters. It’s so frustrating that after episodes full of great character development for women and meaningful interaction between women, all everyone wants to talk about are the two scenes of their male fav doing nothing of importance. And it hurts me so much to see women being called bitches, crazy and worse in a predominantly female space. I’m tired of feeling like I’m less important, less interesting, less of a person simply because of my gender.

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Clintasha Troubles

September 28, 2016 § Leave a comment

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A reader writes,

I am in the Marvel fandom. Arguably two of the biggest ships in the MCU fandom (or at least the Avengers) are Clintasha (Black Widow X Hawkeye) and Stucky (Steve X Bucky). While I ship Stucky HARD, I don’t ship Clintasha. In fact, it’s my NOTP.

It’s gotten to the point where I can’t watch a Marvel movie without getting annoyed at all the subtext Clintasha shippers could twist to their advantage and it’s almost impossible to search up the MCU hashtag without encountering Clintasha material. I don’t know how to make myself calm down and remind myself they’re all just fictional characters, and Clintasha’s never becoming canon anyway!!

So, how do I calm down and learn to accept Clintasha, or even start shipping it? It’s driving me crazy–HELP!! Slightly calmer P.S. I read The Fangirl Life and loved it! It genuinely helped me and put me on the road to becoming a better person and fanwoman! Thanks!

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She’s the Worst

September 21, 2016 § Leave a comment

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Erica writes,

Do you ever feel like you’re not sure if you hate a character or not? Because there used to be a character I liked when I watched a certain popular movie. Like, I thought she was all badass and cool and stuff. But then I saw people online calling her a Mary Sue and since I’m an aspiring writer, I thought, ‘Why on Earth would I love a character who’s so poorly written?’

So I started hating her. Like, ‘I would love it if you died’ hating. I’ve posted awful comments about her and feel like I need to rant about her all the time. But whenever I look at my comments about her, they seem so mean and I feel so bad about what I said that I end up deleting them.

But I keep doing it. A lot. Like, I feel a need to constantly put this character down for some reason. I don’t want to girl-hate, and I still don’t know how I feel about her.

What should I do?

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Done With Dude

August 27, 2016 § Leave a comment

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Sophie writes,

Hi Kathleen!

I’m currently going through some MAJOR fangirl problems…. For the past seven years I’ve been a seriously dedicated fangirl to a certain celebrity. I was there from the start of his career, through his world tours, when he went to jail, when he went on break, all the way up until now – the comeback era. I’ve seen him a total of seven times live, I’ve run fan accounts on every social media platform, I snuck into his concert meet and greets because I HAD to meet him, and I’ve defended like him like I know him personally.

Recently, though, he dissed fans and I suddenly felt beyond betrayed by his words. Why would he sacrifice us for some girl “messing around with”? Seven years of my life has been taken over by him and now he hates us! So, I decided that I owe it to myself to let him go, but honestly, I’m in love with him. He was there when I when I was sad and going through intense personal issues. Although I’ve unfollowed him, his crew, and his friends on social media (plus deleted my twitter/tumblr) I feel like he’s following me everywhere I go. I walk into a store and hear his music, my facebook/snapchat feed is flooded with articles about him, half of my wardrobe is his tour merch, and EVERYONE I know knows I love him and continues to ask me about him.

I can’t escape! Do you have an tips for a fangirl trying to live a normal life again? I’m 19 now and I need to find something in my life that doesn’t revolve around a boy who doesn’t even know I exist. I am worth so much more this.

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Am I Done Fangirling?

August 24, 2016 § 1 Comment

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Michelle writes,

I’ve been finding myself not as into my usual obsessions lately.  My IRL collections are starting to bug me because they take up space, I’m not as passionate about things as I used to be, and I’m not really enjoying myself anymore when I hang out with my friends (I’m actually been getting annoyed because all they talk about are their fandoms).

I used to be hardcore about my obsessions, but now I feel more exasperated towards it all. And it’s weird because these feelings are really out of character for me… especially the “no longer enjoy time with friends” part. I thought maybe I was growing up but my friends are older than me which makes me feel even more strange.

Fangirling has been a major part of my life for so long but now… It’s like I hardly know myself at all anymore…What should I do?

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