Done With Dude

August 27, 2016 § Leave a comment


Sophie writes,

Hi Kathleen!

I’m currently going through some MAJOR fangirl problems…. For the past seven years I’ve been a seriously dedicated fangirl to a certain celebrity. I was there from the start of his career, through his world tours, when he went to jail, when he went on break, all the way up until now – the comeback era. I’ve seen him a total of seven times live, I’ve run fan accounts on every social media platform, I snuck into his concert meet and greets because I HAD to meet him, and I’ve defended like him like I know him personally.

Recently, though, he dissed fans and I suddenly felt beyond betrayed by his words. Why would he sacrifice us for some girl “messing around with”? Seven years of my life has been taken over by him and now he hates us! So, I decided that I owe it to myself to let him go, but honestly, I’m in love with him. He was there when I when I was sad and going through intense personal issues. Although I’ve unfollowed him, his crew, and his friends on social media (plus deleted my twitter/tumblr) I feel like he’s following me everywhere I go. I walk into a store and hear his music, my facebook/snapchat feed is flooded with articles about him, half of my wardrobe is his tour merch, and EVERYONE I know knows I love him and continues to ask me about him.

I can’t escape! Do you have an tips for a fangirl trying to live a normal life again? I’m 19 now and I need to find something in my life that doesn’t revolve around a boy who doesn’t even know I exist. I am worth so much more this.

Hi Sophie, thanks for writing. It sounds like you’re trying to do some difficult subtraction in your life. I’m gonna suggest you do a different kind of math.

Your brain isn’t hooked on this guy. Your brain is hooked on the feeling you get when you see him or listen to his music or think about him. People chase that kind of feeling in all kinds of ways, good or bad. They fangirl, they climb mountains, they kiss people, they watch football, they do drugs. They do all sorts of things.

Chasing the feeling isn’t bad. It’s being caught in a single habit that hurts us. We get so busy running in our own hamster wheels that we don’t stop and realize that the cage is open and there’s a whole carnival available to us that can make us feel exhilarated, carefree, loved, or just plain happy.

Or sometimes I think of it as moving from a single dish to a glorious buffet. Starving an obsession is hard if you don’t have other stuff on your plate. And getting unhooked will be a lot easier if you try to turn your attention to other things that bring your joy.

What’s something you’ve always wanted to do? A healthy habit you wanted to pick up? If it it involves exercising your body, expanding your mind, or spending more time with people you love, then chances are it’s a great option. And suddenly you may find yourself forgetting to check Instagram or contently humming along to one of his songs without feeling heartache or frustration

RIDE ALL THE RIDES, SOPHIE. Don’t limit yourself to one celebrity, or one obsession. Your enthusiasm is too big and too bright to stuff into a single soul.


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