Too Old to Fangirl

January 11, 2016 § 5 Comments

Senior elderly lady at home using her new laptop computer and its technology

Someone with Direction Infection writes,

I am obsessed with One Direction. I have all their albums in my phone and I know the songs by heart. I have a huge signed poster and more merchandise of them. I follow so many update accounts on twitter that I lost track, and I have all their notifications on. But where I come from, they are considered for kids.

I am 13, so in my opinion I kind of still am a kid. Although I don’t think that 1D is for kids. But my friends don’t think that way. They go on diets and have boyfriends and all that. So, I kind of get judged. Even my best friend kind of judges me.

I can’t give up on One Direction. I love them so much, but I don’t like being called a kid and it’s not very simple for me to get new friends that don’t think this way, because everyone around me thinks that way. Literally everyone. I don’t know anyone that I can’t go talk about 1D without them laughing in my face. What should I do? Help me!

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The Hand Snog

July 20, 2015 § Leave a comment

Liv writes,

Hi. So I keep falling in love with boys. Specifically Youtubers & Band Members. I snog my hand pretending it’s them. I kiss ‘them’ (a stuffie) goodnight. Whenever I’m out places I picture myself as if I’m walking with them. I read fanfiction almost 24/7 and pretend it’s actually happening. Then I’m over him and onto the next in a few months. I realize it’s like smoking—unhealthy. These thoughts are not good for my sanity, plus I’m scared I might touch a guy’s arm or something while I’m daydreaming and not realize. I’m also scared that the next time a boy likes me I’ll go too far since I keep looking for this unrealistic love. Please. I need help. How do I stop doing this to myself? How do I not fall for every new boy? 

OOH MAKEOUTS!

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Liv, I want you to know that making out with your hand is developmentally on point for any teenager, young adult, or congressman. And writing yourself into fic or headcanon isn’t unhealthy either. I have starred in any number of Emmy-winning television shows when I’m trying to fall asleep at night. When I died on LOST, it was SO DAMN MOVING.

Instead of focusing on how famous dude crushes are unrealistic, I want you to think about how your dreams can provide you  some valuable information about yourself. So just for a minute, turn your focus onto yourself in these kissy daydreams. What is different about Band Member’s girlfriend Liv and Hand Snogging Liv? Do you see character traits you’d like to embody or improve?

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When I think of the daydream version of myself, she’s not just smarter and more successful. She’s also braver, kinder to others, and a lot more easygoing. She doesn’t lurch around muttering sarcastic comments, and she’s not so damn hard on herself. This is a signal to me that these are the character traits I value above all others. Rather than worrying about going cold turkey on the imaginary feels, see how your dreams can generate a map for your own character development. Your plot arc may not have sexy times for a good while, but who cares when YOU’RE SO FUCKING AWESOME?!

We burrow into our imaginations because we’re fangirls, and that is a gift, not a curse. Don’t deny your unicorn nature, and don’t be ashamed that your mind is your greatest coping tool. Rather than pulling out the rug, see what healthy behaviors you can introduce instead. What would it look like if you were making out with LIFE, Liv? When you’re being brave and striving to be the best draft of yourself, you’ll have less time and less need to retreat back into fiction. So trot little unicorn! And let me know how it goes.

Love,

Kathleen

the best cure for a boy

June 5, 2014 § Leave a comment

Jessica writes, 

I think i LOVE Luke Hemmings lol but im serious -_-

Jessica, I’m gonna be real with you. I am 29 years old and I had to google that name. I empathize with your pain but I also know the exquisite pain of finding an older lady BAMF to admire and model yourself after, so that’s what I would suggest as a cure for your teen pop angst. Luke may never love you, but you’ll damn sure love yourself if you find who you want to be like and just fucking go for it. 

Best of luck, 

Kathleen 

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