Google Rundown Part Two

April 22, 2015 § Leave a comment

It’s that time again where I pick some of the random-ass questions you guys type into Google to find my site. And I answer them! Here are some of my favorites.

What are the words to describe a fangirl?
I’ll give you four. BETTER. THAN. EVERYONE. ELSE.

How to get over fangirling?
Get under a good book. Or honestly, don’t get over fangirling. Just make it work for you.

How many people become fangirls per day?
\tfrac{dR}{dT} = \gamma I - \mu R

where I is the number infected, and R is the number of former fangirls who recover with immunity.

Who is Diane Lockhart?


I don’t know what to say in therapy.
Start with the truth. If you think your therapist isn’t doing a great job, tell him/her that. We want to know.

How to create fangirl phrases.
Take regular words you use and then turn them into acronyms like cool military speak.

Fangirl: That was off the charts OFB for a MAL.
Translated: A middle-aged lady exhibited outrageously fancy behavior.

How to tell people you’re a fangirl. 
 With words, or an interpretive dance set to Kenny Loggins’ Danger Zone.”

How to save money if you are a fangirl.
Acquire a sand box shaped like a turtle. Bury a Sacagawea dollar in it every time you check Tumblr. BOOM life savings.

How to fangirl in class without getting caught. 
YOUTHS OF THE WORLD, pay attention to your teachers.  But if you’re in grad school, I suggest you use imessage on your laptop instead of texting. That way it’ll look like you’re taking diligent notes when you’re trading Cate Blanchett set photos from Carol instead. I MEAN LOOK AT THIS WOMAN:


Could a fangirl die without her TV shows?
Yes. But could a fangirl not die with her TV shows? No. We are not like Bernadette Peters and are mortal. Our time on this earth is short, so we just have to make sure we watch the right TV shows.

What happens to girls that fangirl?
They grow up to be badass women.

Self-help book for fangirls?
Oooh YAS I know this one! The Fangirl Life in 2016 from Perigee Books!

The Google Rundown

January 15, 2015 § Leave a comment

Ladies! (and gents are there gents?) I’ll still be answering all the fangirl dilemmas you’ve been sending in very soon! But I’d like to dedicate a post to answering all the questions some of you type into Google to find this site. Because they’re great questions! Or they’re just ridiculous questions which are hilarious and need to be shared with the world. So let’s get started!

Does being a fangirl affect your brain? Yes. Next question.

Is fangirling a disorder? Officially? No. But it could be a by-product or feature of real life diagnoses, like an anxiety disorder.

How do fangirls find so much time to watch TV? 


What is the definition of fangirl feels? There is no definition for this in the English language. But it’s something like, asfawlefijwefMAKEOUTSweofibkdkf.gif

How to stop a fangirl attack? I’m confused. Is the fangirl attacking you? If so disable her with a hairporn gif or OTP makeouts. If you’re the fangirl, put your head between your legs and sing the lyrics to “Tomorrow” from Annie very loudly. If that doesn’t work watch any episode from Season 6 of Gilmore Girls. Blegh.

What do I do about my girlfriend’s fangirling? Not one damn thing. Worship her like the unicorn she is.

How do I stop fangirling? 


How to help someone who died of fangirling? Step 1. Acquire a necromancer. Step 2. Clean up the giant fucking mess you’ve now made. Step 3. Acquire the film rights to the plot.

How does the mind of a fangirl work in 4 easy steps? 

Step 1.


Step 2.


Step 3.


Step 4.


How do you make fangirl friends?


What jobs could a fangirl do? Professional hair petter, romance novelist, bounty hunter, lady president.

How to be a successful fangirl? Read my book when it comes out.

Until next time! And if you’ve got a fangirl dilemma, my ask is always open.

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