The OTP Channel
March 9, 2015 § Leave a comment
DaCupcakePanda writes,
Hi! I ship a load of stuff, but I don’t ship ANY OF THEM as much as Hayffie (Haymitch and Effie from The Hunger Games). Yes, I know what you’re thinking. “Eurgh, not one of those people. Hayffie doesn’t even WORK. It doesn’t make sense!” Well, I can’t argue with you because we all have our different opinions, but I believe they should be canon. My problem is that I need them to be together so much, I can’t think of anything else. When I go to bed, I imagine how they would kiss and say goodnight and blardy blar, so forth and so on. What can I do?
Is blardy blar the new Yada-Yada? I love it.
BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO?
As fangirls sometimes we forget that people go to bed thinking about things other than what I like to call The OTP Channel. And the reality is that using your imagination is actually a brilliant way to end to the day. I put on an episode of my favorite headcanon, and within ten minutes I’m asleep. I’m not worrying about the day ahead or second-guessing my decisions.
There is brilliance in the blardy blar, DCP. Because you’re accessing your imagination more than the average citizen of Panem, there are all sorts of benefits that keep your brain nice and wrinkly. But the downside is that sometimes the OTP Channel is a 24-hour network. You’d rather watch Hayffie flirt than finish your homework or hang out with friends.
In Catching Fire, Haymitch shares an interesting observation with Katniss and Peeta. From now on, your job is to be a distraction so people forget what the real problems are. And like the star-crossed lovers from District 12, your OTP does exactly that. They distract you.
Humans deal with anxiety in two ways. By distracting, and by engaging it. Neither tactic is bad as long as we use both of them. That means turning off The OTP Channel sometimes. So pastry bear, here’s what I recommend that you do.
Step 1: Pay Attention! Go 24 hours and make a note every time you think about your OTP. Where are you, what are you doing, who’s around you? What thoughts, difficult situations, or responsibilities might you be avoiding?
Step 2: Spend some time in your head. Pick a free moment and set an alarm for 5 minutes. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and pay attention to your thoughts. Don’t judge yourself if they’re negative or they land on your OTP. Just neutrally nudge them aside and focus on breathing and your senses. This is called mindfulness.
Step 3: Make the odds be ever in your favor. Start taking moments throughout the day where you’d think about your OTP and instead be mindful of what’s around you. Set a reminder on your phone if you have to. Making lunch, showering, sitting in boring staff meetings, and driving to the grocery store are all opportunities to look up and appreciate the sights and sounds around you. To pay attention to what’s making you stressed or worried and to be rational and solution-focused.
aka the voice inside you who doesn’t want you to BAMF
Step 4: Reward yourself with headcanon. The fangirl is an expert at diving deep into her imagination to avoid the real life opportunities snapping their fingers in front of her face. But the fanwoman doesn’t hide behind headcanon. Instead it’s her treat at the end of a long day of BAMF-worthy conquering.
I don’t think you’re one of those people, friend. You’re one of my people, and we’re people who conquer, blardy blar and all. So stay alive, stay focused, and show them something they’ll remember.
The Fandom Runner
January 26, 2015 § 3 Comments
The Maze Runner writes,
HELP!!! I have recently started reading The Maze Runner and started fangirling over it. I’m only half way through the book, but I have already fell in love with the cast in the movie, especially this one actor and he is becoming a real life-ruiner. I have been reading constantly and recently lost some sleep over it. This is the first real fandom I have been in where I’m afraid it will take over my life. How do I obsess less while still enjoying the book and eventually the movie?
Oh boy. When you think about it, fandom is a lot like The Maze. Only fewer doods. One day you wake up and find that you’ve been flung up an emotional elevator into uncharted territory. You have no other memories except your Tumblr url. Like the Glade, fandom is a precariously balanced society teetering on the edge of chaos at any point. So how the hell do you get out? I think you know the answer to that.
“Obsessing less” isn’t really an option my friend. Either you obsess, or you don’t. And getting through the maze of life-ruining emotions and anxieties is no tricky feat, but it can be done. Here are a few strategies I might suggest.
Follow your anxiety. What are the Grievers in your life? What’s your worst fear? What stresses you out day-to-day? You might have to get close to them and even take a sting or two to gain some insight about your habits. The more tuned in your stressors you are, the less you’ll use obsession with Alby and the gang to calm yourself down.
Make fandom about reward, not escape. Teach yourself to associate reading your favorite fic or watching your favorite movie with getting shit done. You should be participating in fandom because you had a successful day, not to avoid having one. If you escape into fiction every day because you want to escape something scary, then you’ll dig yourself deeper and deeper. And it’ll take less and less over time to make you run.
Take courage from fiction. What is the moral of The Maze Runner in your opinion? That we’re all f**ked in dystopian scenarios? I think the message of the series is that we can accomplish anything with enough persistence. Thomas and the other runners couldn’t learn the maze in a single day. Bit by bit, they began to piece together a map of where they were headed.
Life is exactly the same way, friend. The gates open, and you start running all over again. Each day you take a little more with you, and make it a little farther than the last. Beating our obsessions works just like that. Every day I show up and try and be a little more of a fanwoman than I was the day before. I might slip, and I might get stung, but I’m a little freer today than I was the day before.
Big Girls Don’t Cry
January 20, 2015 § Leave a comment
Rose writes, As of late, I have slowly been growing more and more attached to the movie Jersey Boys. I have such an appreciation for the movie and characters that is growing so quickly, it’s begun to interfere with my life. Do you have any ideas as to how I can control this overwhelming desire to break out into song, and to stop fangirling over thoughts about my ships, while I’m trying to do my daily routine?
PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER ROSE. But don’t you dare feel ashamed about the overwhelming desire to break out into song. People who don’t like musicals are dead inside. They are too busy watching NCIS: Fort Wayne or whatever to realize how horrible they are. I mean there are countless health benefits to breaking out into song. Bernadette Peters is basically immortal at this point. I mean look at her. What the actual fuck.
Your problem isn’t Frankie Valli, Rose. The problem is that you’re not making Frankie work for you. Is there a way you can incorporate some of your interests to motivate you in your daily routine? Can you slap a screencap on a checklist and give yourself gold stars? Use fic or your hairbrush solo as a reward? The other strategy would be to really look at what this obsession can tell you about yourself. Is it a distraction from self-doubt about a goal you have, or is it pointing towards something you really, really want Rose? If we spent as much time listening to our creys as we do flailing about, we might really learn something. It always feels nice to obsess in the moment, butttttt 
There’s a time to dance around like an idiot, and there’s a time for shipping. But there’s also a time for reality. When Jersey Boys swept Broadway, Ben Brantley at The New York Times wrote this. “Everything that has led up to that curtain call feels, for just a second, as real and vivid as the sting of your hands clapping together.” As corny as it sounds, I’m going to ask you this: what if you started living your life like there was a curtain call at the end of every day? Like the success of a thousand middle-aged white people’s evenings depended on you being brave and giving it your best effort? What would that be like? Big girls cry sometimes, Rose. But they also get shit done. So have at it.
Fangirl Dilemma: The Dark Side
January 5, 2015 § 3 Comments
notsohighfunctioningsociopath writes,
So recently I’ve begun to watch Star Wars, which I’ve never seen before (sue me), and I have a very strong, debilitating case of feels. It’s terrible, and interfering with my life. Also since everyone knows what’s going to happen, I know a bunch of spoilers. Ugh, but I can’t not watch it. Can I in any way control this?
Kidding! But seriously, having a lot of feels is the exact opposite of being a sociopath, so not sure what your name is about.
When you think about it, being a fangirl is a lot like being a Jedi. Let’s look at a couple Yoda precepts for help.
Luke: What’s in there? Yoda: Only what you take with you.
Your experience of a TV show, movie, or book is comprised of what you bring to the table. This is especially true when you’re participating in a fandom. If you bring anger, you’ll find anger. If you bring jealously, you’ll be jealous of others. So friend, if you’re looking for something to interfere with your life, then that’s exactly what’s going to happen. Star Wars isn’t keeping your shit from being together. It’s a convenient and wonderful distraction, but watching it or not watching it has nothing to do with how you choose to live your life.
Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.
Where do feels come from? When we have an intense emotional reaction to something, we’re operating out of a fear of loss. This could look like being scared your girlfriend will cheat on you, or not getting on a plane because you’re afraid of dying. In fangirl world, it manifests as our struggle with the reality that shows end, good writing fades, and characters die, depart, or do things we don’t like. So controlling your feels means confronting yourself with this reality. Star Wars ends, George Lucas destroys things, our passions flicker out. This is all part of the cycle of fangirl life. And embracing this reality prepares you to enjoy new characters when we encounter them.
A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
Being a fanwoman is about defending yourself from the negative thoughts you might have about yourself. So beating yourself up when it comes to your obsessions is no more useful than whaling on the nearest Sith Lord with a lightsaber. It might feel good, but all of a sudden you’re staring at your creepy, gloved robot arm in a foreshadowing climax. Understanding your feels and how they emerge is not about feeling guilty or less than. It’s educating yourself how your fangirl brain works and how you can use it for good instead of evil. For success instead of distraction.
Nothing more will I teach you today. Clear your mind of questions. The Force is your ally, and a powerful ally it is! So pay attention to what it shows you, and don’t pay attention to the odds. And for the love of god, don’t watch the prequels. Watch this instead.
Love,
Kathleen
Fangirl Dilemma: TV Takeover
December 22, 2014 § Leave a comment
Supremeoven writes,
I have this TV show that I watch constantly, and it’s slipped into my daily schedule to watch 2-3 episodes of it. And when I don’t watch it, I keep on thinking about it and it’s just basically taken over my life. For some reason I keep on feeling really down and confused and I just really don’t know what to do with my life.
Oh Supremeoven (is this a AHS: Coven reference or do you just really like baking?), I hear you. I’ve had a few shows aim to take over my life. LOST. The Good Wife. Battlestar Galactica. I’d say that Glee was the one that really hit the hardest though. I made a lot of amazing friends and found a lot of amazing clothes, but the amount of time I spent rewatching season 1 was, let’s say, problematic.
I think we get sucked into television shows at vulnerable times in our lives. Right before I started obsessing, I went through a bad breakup. The day after it happened, I packed up my car, gave away all my furniture to the lovely Latino family next door, and drove the 800 miles home to restart my life. And this wonderfully dumb TV show was waiting for me on the other end. Sure it got me through the rough patch, but at what cost?
One of my therapist mentors shared these very wise words with me once, and I want to pass them along to you. “The infant’s always there, but that doesn’t mean she has to steer.” What that means is that in each of us, there’s a mature side, and an immature side. The immature side of us is the part that wants to be taken care of, to be nurtured and loved unconditionally at all times. When we consistently use an obsession to get us through the day, we’re letting the infant steer. And this will inevitably make us feel depressed and feed our addiction.
Sitting with the uncomfortableness of not knowing what you’re going to do with your life is letting the adult steer. It means saying, “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m gonna be brave and try something different.” Supreme, a TV show can entertain you, distract you, and inspire you. But it can’t take care of you. Only you can do that. That might look like talking to a counselor, replacing unhealthy habits with healthy ones, or taking the time to write down your values, dreams, and goals for life. It doesn’t look like watching your favorite episode for the 27th time.
So be kind to yourself! You’re in the driver’s seat, and only you can decide where you’d like to go next.
Love,
Kathleen
Fangirl Therapy 
