Kpop or Kpooped?

April 23, 2014 § Leave a comment

Cindy asks,

I became a kpop fan girl since I know about a band from South Korea. They are not a boyband but they are adorable. And since I know them all, I started to stalk them. Like searching about their life, their pictures, their hobbies everyday. I’m happy, but I feel pain too. I don’t want to live as a kpop fangirl. Moreover I cannot sleep because of thinking of them. What should i do? I don’t want to be a fan girl anymore.

Cindy, I hear you. This is a great example of how fangirling over real life people can be one of the most painful things. I’m not that familiar with kpop, but I know the feeling of being enamored with someone who will never be a part of your life quite well. That’s why fangirling over fictional characters isn’t quite as bad. Knowing they’re not out roaming around somewhere not interested in you. Pouring over the lives of these band members gives you a temporary high. But there is no reciprocity in the relationship, so you inevitably end up hurting yourself.

Here are a few simple (or not so simple fixes) that could maybe help you.

1. Remind yourself that they are people. Celebrities are humans who have flaws. They are insecure, they feel disappointment, and they get bored and frustrated with life just like you do. They have difficult relationships with friends and family members, and sometimes they feel lonely. Being famous doesn’t make a person any less human than the rest of us. In fact, it probably exaggerates it. The person that activates your inner fangirl is probably an image that society and the media have created, and not the real person, who has both the strengths and flaws that any person would.

2. Seek out relationships with reciprocity. Have you made friendships because of your fangirling? Try engaging those people and talking about things other than the kpop band. You might find that you have more connecting you than a celebrity and make friendships that last way beyond your current obsession. I met my best friend through fangirling, and even though we don’t have a single current TV show or character in common anymore, we know we’re in each others’ lives for good.

3. Listen to your obsession. Our obsessions can often be markers for when we are anxious or upset. If you feel tempted to start trolling the web for pictures of your obsession, ask yourself, “What has happened today that might have influenced this need to disconnect from reality? What am I avoiding, and how do I engage it to improve myself?” Sometimes we fangirl for the thrill and the connection with others, but sometimes we do it to dissociate from life and all its ups and downs. The more you meet these challenges head on, the more you will be able to enjoy the time you do spend in the fangirl world.

Got a question? Let me know!

 

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