Secret Jetsetter

May 17, 2017 § Leave a comment


Jennifer writes,

Came across this book and site recently and have a fangirl question. I wouldn’t say I’m an obsessive fan, but when I fan over something I love it intensely and deeply and blog about it all day. When they’re celebrities and there’s a fan meet, I feel a real need to meet them. For the last 3 years, about once a year, I’ve been buying tickets overseas to attend fan meets in secret (often having to lie to others about my location and purpose for travel because it’s embarrassing and very last minute). I also fly 8-10 hours just for 2-3 days because I often have to get back to work. But I have a huge problem with plane anxiety and feel the guilt of lying to people I love…though I don’t mean to deceive them. I feel nervous that if something happened to me, they would be really upset…and all because I wanted to meet my favourite celebrity! Yesterday, I made the decision to not go on a plane to attend a fan meet I really wanted to see because it would mean that I’d have to get back on my sister’s birthday the next day, and I was nervous about the plane ride. I feel less guilty and relieved that I don’t have to ride on a plane, but also really empty and sad that I didn’t go through with my choice. How can I stop myself from feeling this way? What would you suggest I do about my addiction to overseas fan meets?

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Wrong on the Internet

June 9, 2016 § 1 Comment


Fanwoman writes,

I find myself getting irrationally angry when I see people on the internet or social media quoting incorrect things about a celeb I follow. For example, they may be quoting an article that they have apparently misunderstood. Or they may be picking up on gossip or rumors that are not correct. And it REALLY bothers me to the point where I have to resist replying to people and constantly arguing with them online, proving them incorrect, citing the correct information etc. I’m not sure why this bothers me but there’s a part of me that is angry on behalf of that celeb i.e. wanting to help clear up all this misinformation online.

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The Twitterverse

April 26, 2016 § Leave a comment


Anonymous asks,

So I guess one question I have is this. What do you do if you feel like you’re just waiting for a response from the cast you tweet with (even just a like or RT), & it makes you sad if it’s been awhile since that’s happened but you see their Twitter interactions with people you know & it creates jealousy? And if you feel like you’ve made a group of friends & slowly start to doubt if those people think of you the same way? All of this feels so junior high. And at my age, feels really really silly.

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I Lurv You, Famous Person

February 17, 2016 § Leave a comment


Confused Fan writes,

Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with a celebrity? I mean really and truly fall in love. There is one celebrity that I love and admire a lot; it could be infatuation but it feels more like love?  It’s hard to explain and it seems ridiculous because I don’t know this celebrity personally, and this celebrity doesn’t even know who I am. But I can’t help but feeling it’s some sort of unrequited love. Not the kind where if I just took action something might happen, but the kind where I know it will not happen but I can’t stop loving them anyway. I’m also worried that this whole thing might seem creepy (I haven’t told anyone before and I would never say anything to the celebrity if I had the chance because I wouldn’t want to make her uncomfortable or anything), but I’m just genuinely confused. What do you think? And what can I do?

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Real Life Ships

January 29, 2016 § Leave a comment


OTP Fangirl writes,

On the topic of shipping real life celebs, my question is at what point is it wrong or creepy to remain nostalgic and hopeful about a real life celeb couple that has broken up?

When a couple has been visibly together for a long time, naturally people build these lovely romantic narratives around them and how they are an “OTP”. But of course, many of these couples break up and inevitably I will see fans continue to post photos and even comment on the celebs’ social media that they should be back with their ex. Sometimes this happens years later and even after both celebs have visibly and happily moved on.

Why do you think people have such a hard time letting go of celeb couples who have broken up?

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Get a Life

January 27, 2016 § Leave a comment


Team Sanan writes,

I want to stop fangirling, but it’s too difficult. How can I be a fangirl with moderation? I’m too distracted and I think I can’t focus on my own life. One of my habits is to download pictures, videos, and other stuff, to know who they are dating, where they live, and what school they are in. I think I’m too engrossed with their personal lives that I can’t focus on my own. Sometimes I feel envious that they get to experience a lot of things while I’m stuck at home and stalking them. I need help. I need to get a life.

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The Problem With Hollywood Casting a Novel

November 24, 2015 § Leave a comment


What would you tell me if I asked you, “What does Katniss Everdeen look like?” Chances are, Jennifer Lawrence pops into your head. Maybe you haven’t yet read Girl on the Train yet, but the alcoholic Rachel morphed into Emily Blunt for you the moment that casting was announced.  These days film rights are being snatched up at the first sign of any novel’s success, and suddenly characters that sprang from the head of the author are Hollywood cast before we get the chance to consider what they look like ourselves. Should we rejoice, or hide behind our books?

Peter Mendelsund, author of What We See When We Read, warns that having book characters permanently cast in our mind is a hazardous act. He suggests that our perspectives as readers are infected when we flip through our minds like a copy of US Weekly until we find the perfect heroine. As a fangirl, I was immediately taken aback by this suggestion. What was so wrong with adding Meryl Streep to spice up a boring narrative or Viola Davis to survive a lit class?

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Kpop or Kpooped?

April 23, 2014 § Leave a comment

Cindy asks,

I became a kpop fan girl since I know about a band from South Korea. They are not a boyband but they are adorable. And since I know them all, I started to stalk them. Like searching about their life, their pictures, their hobbies everyday. I’m happy, but I feel pain too. I don’t want to live as a kpop fangirl. Moreover I cannot sleep because of thinking of them. What should i do? I don’t want to be a fan girl anymore.

Cindy, I hear you. This is a great example of how fangirling over real life people can be one of the most painful things. I’m not that familiar with kpop, but I know the feeling of being enamored with someone who will never be a part of your life quite well. That’s why fangirling over fictional characters isn’t quite as bad. Knowing they’re not out roaming around somewhere not interested in you. Pouring over the lives of these band members gives you a temporary high. But there is no reciprocity in the relationship, so you inevitably end up hurting yourself.

Here are a few simple (or not so simple fixes) that could maybe help you.

1. Remind yourself that they are people. Celebrities are humans who have flaws. They are insecure, they feel disappointment, and they get bored and frustrated with life just like you do. They have difficult relationships with friends and family members, and sometimes they feel lonely. Being famous doesn’t make a person any less human than the rest of us. In fact, it probably exaggerates it. The person that activates your inner fangirl is probably an image that society and the media have created, and not the real person, who has both the strengths and flaws that any person would.

2. Seek out relationships with reciprocity. Have you made friendships because of your fangirling? Try engaging those people and talking about things other than the kpop band. You might find that you have more connecting you than a celebrity and make friendships that last way beyond your current obsession. I met my best friend through fangirling, and even though we don’t have a single current TV show or character in common anymore, we know we’re in each others’ lives for good.

3. Listen to your obsession. Our obsessions can often be markers for when we are anxious or upset. If you feel tempted to start trolling the web for pictures of your obsession, ask yourself, “What has happened today that might have influenced this need to disconnect from reality? What am I avoiding, and how do I engage it to improve myself?” Sometimes we fangirl for the thrill and the connection with others, but sometimes we do it to dissociate from life and all its ups and downs. The more you meet these challenges head on, the more you will be able to enjoy the time you do spend in the fangirl world.

Got a question? Let me know!


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