I Lurv You, Famous Person

February 17, 2016 § Leave a comment

tina

Confused Fan writes,

Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with a celebrity? I mean really and truly fall in love. There is one celebrity that I love and admire a lot; it could be infatuation but it feels more like love?  It’s hard to explain and it seems ridiculous because I don’t know this celebrity personally, and this celebrity doesn’t even know who I am. But I can’t help but feeling it’s some sort of unrequited love. Not the kind where if I just took action something might happen, but the kind where I know it will not happen but I can’t stop loving them anyway. I’m also worried that this whole thing might seem creepy (I haven’t told anyone before and I would never say anything to the celebrity if I had the chance because I wouldn’t want to make her uncomfortable or anything), but I’m just genuinely confused. What do you think? And what can I do?

Anything is possible. Love is a construct, and people define it differently based on human interactions and the lovely little chemicals our brains release when we experience lurv-like feelings. Love and infatuation are both fun. They’re also both painful. You’ll find a million essays on the Internet splicing apart the differences between the two concepts, so I won’t do that here. Because honestly that’s boring and subjective and meh.

What you might benefit from is turning the feelings dial down a notch and doing some self-reflection. Turn the focus back on you. When you have compassion for yourself, you’re less likely to engage in the kind of obsession that leads to anxiety, fear, and conflict. So if you were to love yourself, what would that look like?

Self-compassion looks like:

  • Being patient with yourself
  • Focusing on strengths instead of weaknesses
  • Getting plenty of rest and hydrating like a goddess
  • Forgiving yourself when you screw up
  • Socializing with people who care about you
  • Taking time to be proud of your accomplishments

Do these behaviors look like infatuation? No. They are tiny head pats of kindness that add up over time. That’s what love means to me, whether I’m giving it to myself or someone else.

You can’t talk yourself out of your feelings about a celebrity. What you can do is give yourself tiny head pats and be as kind to yourself as you would be to your fave. When you increase self-compassion, you decrease obsession. You give yourself breathing space to let people into your life who truly care for you and will cheer you along the way. You create room to breathe and love and even fangirl in the best way possible.

 

 

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