Fantasy Fangirl Roster

August 28, 2015 § 1 Comment

It’s almost fall, and you know what that means, ladies. The air turns crisp, you ingest more Starbucks calories, and on Sunday nights we gather around the ceremonial pizza as our favorite players take the field. Yes, I’m talking about TELEVISION. *high-fives you*

My boyfriend recently joined a fantasy football league with coworkers, and during our discussion about how the game works, I had the best idea. WHAT IF THERE WAS A FANGIRL VERSION OF FANTASY FOOTBALL? Yes that’s right. Fangirl Fantasy Football. A serious fangirl is keeping stats and stacking her TV roster with only the BAMFiest of ladies. Points could be awarded for creys-inducement, badassery, hilarity, hair, and any other situation-inducing scenes.

Who would you pick to be on your roster? Here’s mine for the 2015-2016 season.

CREYS QUEEN – Laurie Garvey

FOR TV - THE LEFTOVERS - HBO - Amy Brenneman. Photo credit: Paul Schiraldi/HBO.

FOR TV – THE LEFTOVERS – HBO – Amy Brenneman. Photo credit: Paul Schiraldi/HBO.

I’m still stomping around Twitter trying to get people to watch HBO’s The Leftovers. Though this suburban mom turned cult member didn’t utter a single word the first half of season 1, Laurie Garvey was one of the most compelling characters on the show. You’d think that a mother who abandoned her children in the wake of the apocalypse is the least sympathetic character imaginable, but Amy Brenneman plays it like a superstar and sucks your tears right out of your face. WATCH THIS SHOW YOU GUYS. WATCH IT. I’M CRYING ALREADY CAUSE YOU WON’T. WHYYYYYY. DON’T TOUCH ME.

THE UNDERDOG – Edith Crawley

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I’ve never been an Edith fan. Especially since she stole a baby 17 times last season and almost burned down the house. I can’t wait until Season 6 starts up next month and she inadvertently causes The Great Depression, World War II, and Firefly’s premature cancellation. But a good underdog earns those points when they skyrocket from the out of nowhere, so I’m counting on Julian Fellowes (who loves to pair everyone off tidily) to hand her a few bones this season and maybe a love interest who doesn’t die or chicken out.

The HBIC – Nadine Tolliver

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You know I’m a Cheers fan, so I’ve been loving me some Bebe since I entered the birth canal. I’m less convinced by the unrealistic dish washing Secretary of State in Elizabeth McCord and more interested in the BAMF moves that her Chief of Staff can show us this season. Maybe she’ll lean on conference tables and shout at people. A girl can dream.

THE NEWBIE – Chrisjen Avasarala

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YOU GUYS. If you’re not excited about the critically acclaimed Expanse sci-fi series coming to Syfy this December, then GET EXCITED. Cause LADY BAMF ahoy. It’s not secret that I’m a fan of the 63 year olds (Mary Hairnado McDonnell, Motherfucking Baranski), and I’m happy to add another one to my list. Shohreh Aghdashloo plays Chrisjen Avasarala, the U.N. Deputy Undersecretary of Executive Administration. Which is a really long title for BAMFS….IN….SPAAAAACE.

The Ninja – Michonne 

Every good roster needs its Ninja, the athletic and insightful powerhouse that provides all ass-kicking entertainment. Chopping heads off like WHOA with her Katana, she’ll be earning those baddassery points faster than you can shout, CARLLLL!” More like Ninja of my heart.

“Special” Teams Unicorn – Elsbeth Tascioni

The Good wife

I know this is not a surprise to anyone who has every met me. When you bring your special teams onto the field, the guest stars have to guarantee that Emmy nom. And who better to secure that spot in the finals than Ms. Carrie Preston herself, comedienne extraordinaire, and her quirky genius character. My only prayer is that she fangirls a little over Diane and I can live vicariously through her.

And finally, our fictional QB. . . *drum roll please*

THE MEGABAMF – Dana Katherine “She’s a Fucking Medical Doctor” Scully

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Are you surprised? I’m three seasons into the X-Files, and I cannot wait to see what our beloved DKS will be like as a middle-aged powerhouse. Also PRAISE BE for an updated wardrobe and no beige pantsuits from 1995. Let’s see if Duchovs can keep up with our MEGABAMF as Gillian portrays her.  I’M FINE. NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

So these are my picks! Sure I’ve got my old faves on the bench, like Queen Lockhart and Elsie “Suppose a Bomb Goes Off In My Heart” Hughes, but I’m starting with some newbies and some MVPs.

Let me know who would be on your roster via Twitter or email! Then let’s get out there and play some crey. You bring the beer, and I’ll bring the giant sweatshirts to hide our faces.

The Walking Creys

February 19, 2015 § Leave a comment

SongbirdShot writes,

I am an avid fan of The Walking Dead and am unable to take these character deaths. Beth was the girl I saw myself in (she was as emotionally unstable as I am) and Tyreese was like my Dad. Is it wrong for me to form such emotional bonds with fictional characters? Don’t even get me started on Teen Wolf or Harry Potter. How does one deal with such traumatic experiences?

Oh lady. Some of us are particularly unlucky in fangirl love because we always choose favorite characters who die (Andreeaaaaaa). Back when I first finished Battlestar Galactica, my roommate probably thought I sounded like a dying racoon through the wall.

Losses in the fictionbethal world strike a chord in our hearts because that character was doing something right. Something so special-snowflake-right that their death is able to reach into our reality and jerk us through the TV screen or the page of a book. And in that moment, they are real.

I suggest you find a fellow fangirl or a sympathetic friend and talk about their lives. Write down the qualities you admire in the character. Go out and volunteer in a fictional character’s memory. Don’t just reblog gruesome gifs on Tumblr and sit there drowning DiCaprio style in your own feels. Sometimes you gotta climb on a floating cello and save yourself.

Surviving character deaths make the fangirl frakking resilient. So I want to challenge you to take a risk in Beth’s honor, and do something brave you never thought you could do. If you can take your emotions and generate real action, the impact will be less traumatic and more fulfilling for your own narrative.

The world might not be full of zombies, but it is swarming with herds of haters and negative voices aimed to stop you in your tracks. This is not your Terminus, friend. Don’t be the extra who gets distracted or distraught. Be the bright spot in a world gone bad, like Beth or Tyreese. Their stories may be over, but yours is just getting started.

Fangirl Holiday Gifts That Inspire

December 9, 2014 § 1 Comment

I love fangirl stuff. And people seem to think it’s the only kind of gift I want. Don’t get me wrong. My plush ‘lil Sebastian and my Treat Yo Self tee are prized possessions. But since I’ve become a fanwoman, I want my fangirl merch to be more than just cute. Enter the concept of the BAMF talisman.

So if you’re looking for a way to spend the cash your grandma sent you or want to find an empowering gift for a fangirl friend, here are some of my picks!

Lady BAMF Candle

lkHave a big job interview or a final coming up? Need the energy to say “No” to a family member or “Yes” to a new project? Light a lady BAMF candle and summon your courage! You can make your own or buy one on Etsy. I love this Leslie Knope one, and it’s a steal at $7.

 

The Good Wife Inspired Bling

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It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t mention something from my favorite show, right? Diane Lockhart usually has a BAMF power ring (what some might call a cocktail ring) on her middle finger. I like to think it’s her classy way of telling people to fuck off. Try one of these Blue Bijoux rings from Max and Chloe ($30, plus 20% off!) to make you feel powerful at work! If that’s not your style and you have $62 bucks to spend, you can still get Kalinda’s lucky horseshoe necklace here.

My Triumphs, My Mistakes Journal

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Want to keep track of your successes and setbacks in 2015? Was your life ruined by Battlestar Galactica?  Then this Dr. Gaius Baltar journal is perfect for you. I mean, nobody’s perfect right? I keep track of my rejections to keep me motivated to write, but I’m also careful to record my BAMF wins so that I can look over the year and be proud! If you still can’t stand the sight of Baltar’s face, maybe pick up a cool “So say we all” temporary tattoo for a day you need inspiration? 

Peletier Swag

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(Caution: spoilers ahead!) Every fangirl needs a sweatshirt to hide her face in  when her OTP flirts, but why not have one that asks one of the most important question in life as well? What would Carol Peletier do? If Michonne is your favorite or if you don’t have $40 to spend, then you need one of my favorite BAMF talismans, the katana sword necklace. And if Beth is your favorite…well I’m super sorry and hope you recover as quickly as you can in this difficult time.

If none of these activate your feels, then stay tuned! I’ll have more holiday gift ideas next week.

Until then, keep on BAMFing.

The Sunday Night Blues

December 9, 2013 § Leave a comment

We all get it. The anxiety of the upcoming week plus the sluggish feeling you get from marathoning 17 episodes of The Good Wife in two days (oh wait maybe just me). 

Sunday nights shouldn’t be a time for beating yourself up about how you spent the weekend or what’s in front of you this week because you put it off last week. Take a deep breath, take out the pizza box, and find some BAMFspiration. Don’t make a list of everything you have do to this week. Pick one thing you’ll conquer, and more important, pick out what you’re going to wear tomorrow so you’ll look fabulous doing it. And yes you can still catch The Walking Dead for god’s sakes. 

 

Diagnosis of the Day 1

November 14, 2013 § Leave a comment

I’ll be adding a diagnosis to the site every day until the book is published. Let me know if you have something I haven’t included.

Diagnosis of the day:

Death Stan Disorder

When a fangirl’s favorite character dies on a TV show, and she continues to watch only to make angry comments on social media about how the show was so much better with her favorite character. She is unable to ship any remaining characters and/or participate in other squee-related behavior. Behavior is only diagnosable and dystonic if it lasts for more than one season after the character dies.  Also can apply to characters who leave rather than die.

Exceptions include: any Walking Dead character for purposes of the author’s own disillusionment and denial.

andrea

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