What Makes a Fangirl?

February 8, 2016 § 1 Comment


Anonymous writes,

I love being a fangirl and I love fangirling. I watch tons of popular and obscure shows and I often dive in to the fandoms for those shows. My problem comes in the “variety” (for lack of a better term) apparent in my fangirling. I’ve never fangirled over a female character!

I keep lists for actors I’m a fan of and try to watch all their stuff, but never an actress. I worry something is wrong with me because I just can’t seem to connect with any female characters or actresses like all my friends do. Is this just a case of not watching shows with strong female characters? I’m way more of a horror/Sci-fi gal than romance and for a long time I just assumed that was my problem.

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Fantasy Fangirl Roster

August 28, 2015 § 1 Comment

It’s almost fall, and you know what that means, ladies. The air turns crisp, you ingest more Starbucks calories, and on Sunday nights we gather around the ceremonial pizza as our favorite players take the field. Yes, I’m talking about TELEVISION. *high-fives you*

My boyfriend recently joined a fantasy football league with coworkers, and during our discussion about how the game works, I had the best idea. WHAT IF THERE WAS A FANGIRL VERSION OF FANTASY FOOTBALL? Yes that’s right. Fangirl Fantasy Football. A serious fangirl is keeping stats and stacking her TV roster with only the BAMFiest of ladies. Points could be awarded for creys-inducement, badassery, hilarity, hair, and any other situation-inducing scenes.

Who would you pick to be on your roster? Here’s mine for the 2015-2016 season.

CREYS QUEEN – Laurie Garvey

FOR TV - THE LEFTOVERS - HBO - Amy Brenneman. Photo credit: Paul Schiraldi/HBO.

FOR TV – THE LEFTOVERS – HBO – Amy Brenneman. Photo credit: Paul Schiraldi/HBO.

I’m still stomping around Twitter trying to get people to watch HBO’s The Leftovers. Though this suburban mom turned cult member didn’t utter a single word the first half of season 1, Laurie Garvey was one of the most compelling characters on the show. You’d think that a mother who abandoned her children in the wake of the apocalypse is the least sympathetic character imaginable, but Amy Brenneman plays it like a superstar and sucks your tears right out of your face. WATCH THIS SHOW YOU GUYS. WATCH IT. I’M CRYING ALREADY CAUSE YOU WON’T. WHYYYYYY. DON’T TOUCH ME.

THE UNDERDOG – Edith Crawley


I’ve never been an Edith fan. Especially since she stole a baby 17 times last season and almost burned down the house. I can’t wait until Season 6 starts up next month and she inadvertently causes The Great Depression, World War II, and Firefly’s premature cancellation. But a good underdog earns those points when they skyrocket from the out of nowhere, so I’m counting on Julian Fellowes (who loves to pair everyone off tidily) to hand her a few bones this season and maybe a love interest who doesn’t die or chicken out.

The HBIC – Nadine Tolliver


You know I’m a Cheers fan, so I’ve been loving me some Bebe since I entered the birth canal. I’m less convinced by the unrealistic dish washing Secretary of State in Elizabeth McCord and more interested in the BAMF moves that her Chief of Staff can show us this season. Maybe she’ll lean on conference tables and shout at people. A girl can dream.

THE NEWBIE – Chrisjen Avasarala


YOU GUYS. If you’re not excited about the critically acclaimed Expanse sci-fi series coming to Syfy this December, then GET EXCITED. Cause LADY BAMF ahoy. It’s not secret that I’m a fan of the 63 year olds (Mary Hairnado McDonnell, Motherfucking Baranski), and I’m happy to add another one to my list. Shohreh Aghdashloo plays Chrisjen Avasarala, the U.N. Deputy Undersecretary of Executive Administration. Which is a really long title for BAMFS….IN….SPAAAAACE.

The Ninja – Michonne 

Every good roster needs its Ninja, the athletic and insightful powerhouse that provides all ass-kicking entertainment. Chopping heads off like WHOA with her Katana, she’ll be earning those baddassery points faster than you can shout, CARLLLL!” More like Ninja of my heart.

“Special” Teams Unicorn – Elsbeth Tascioni

The Good wife

I know this is not a surprise to anyone who has every met me. When you bring your special teams onto the field, the guest stars have to guarantee that Emmy nom. And who better to secure that spot in the finals than Ms. Carrie Preston herself, comedienne extraordinaire, and her quirky genius character. My only prayer is that she fangirls a little over Diane and I can live vicariously through her.

And finally, our fictional QB. . . *drum roll please*

THE MEGABAMF – Dana Katherine “She’s a Fucking Medical Doctor” Scully


Are you surprised? I’m three seasons into the X-Files, and I cannot wait to see what our beloved DKS will be like as a middle-aged powerhouse. Also PRAISE BE for an updated wardrobe and no beige pantsuits from 1995. Let’s see if Duchovs can keep up with our MEGABAMF as Gillian portrays her.  I’M FINE. NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

So these are my picks! Sure I’ve got my old faves on the bench, like Queen Lockhart and Elsie “Suppose a Bomb Goes Off In My Heart” Hughes, but I’m starting with some newbies and some MVPs.

Let me know who would be on your roster via Twitter or email! Then let’s get out there and play some crey. You bring the beer, and I’ll bring the giant sweatshirts to hide our faces.

Fangirl Style

August 26, 2015 § Leave a comment

Saori-Luna writes,

Hi! I have some concerns about fangirl fashion. I mean, I love my shirts. In fact, I paint my own shirts with designs of the things I love. But today while I was dressing up for work, I was thinking about how is not appropriate to go to work with shirts, and this makes me sad. So I wondered, how do you dress up “right” for work without losing your fangirl style?

Just yesterday I saw the MOST PERFECT X-Wing Cardigan for sale on HerUniverse, and I thought to myself, “Could I get away with wearing an X-Wing cardigan to work?” I talked myself out of it for now, but if a Millennium Falcon cardigan comes along, I’m a goner.

So I get it. I have an “I met Sebastian at the Pawnee Harvest Festival” T-Shirt, and I’ve only ever gotten positive responses from people. But do I show up to the office wearing it? No. There’s no reason to be ashamed of what you love. Yes, you can pair a tee with a blazer or buy inspired jewelry on Etsy or any number of tricks. But how do you dress like a fangirl that people take seriously? YOU UPGRADE.

A fangirl closet should reflect the entire rainbow of her personality. Yes, you’re goofy and passionate, but you’re also BAMFy and intimidating as hell. When I asked people on Twitter who their fictional fashion heroes were, here’s what they said.

Claire Underwood – *cue ominous music*


Leona Lansing – Pearls are for giving zero fucks.




Olivia Pope – Hella Coat Game


Effie Trinket – Definitely wear this to your next job interview.


Sharon Morris – Because some of us are ridiculous.


And of course Queen of My Life, Diane Lockhart


There are so many great websites for TV fashion. Possessionista is one of my favorites, because she IDs fashion and also provides you with cheaper knock-offs or similar styles. Or you can simply type “dress like [insert character]” into Google, and you’ll find tons of articles directing you to examples. It’s amazing how channeling your fave can help you conquer.

Don’t stop creating, and don’t stop unicorn trotting. But don’t be afraid to find a woman who can help you breathe a little bit of fire as well.

Power Poses Revamped

February 25, 2015 § Leave a comment

Body language impacts your brain and your personality. Amy Cuddy’s TED Talk highlighted this reality a few years ago. But why limit yourself to the same boring Wonder Woman pose? There is an endless choreography of BAMF poses you can try to feel more powerful. Here are a few.

 1. The Commander


Huddle your troops with this move.


Everything the light touches is your kingdom.


2. The BAMF Lean


Enlighten hapless coworkers with your chair prop.


Add an over-the-glasses peer to strike terror.


3. The One-Arm


A versatile move that’s good for lecturing.


For AP BAMFing, try the one-arm-hair-flip-glasses-dangle.


4. The Merkel

David Cameron and Angela Merkel

You just stick your hand out to stop a dood from being wrong.


“Look at you being so wrong in your wrongness.”


5. The Couch Arm


Words are inadequate.

Remember, when it comes to power poses, take it slow.


It’s not about how you look but how you’ll feel as you conquer.

*For more inspiration, check out my friend’s tumblr or angelamerkeldealingwithpeople.tumblr.com.

What Does Your Girl Crush Say About You?

October 22, 2014 § 3 Comments

Monday night I was in Brooklyn swooning over one of my very favorite actresses, the talented Amy Ryan. I loved seeing her on stage and absorbing the BAMF energy that was clearly in the room, and it made me start thinking about the types of lady crushes I’ve had over the years. When you think about it, the world right now is ripe for girl crushing. With the vast wasteland of tweets, gifs, and videos that is the Internet, what starts as admiration of a TV character or celebrity can blossom into full-blown mania after a few innocent Google searches.

But not all girl crushes sprout from the same soil, as there is a whole catalog of lady loves out there. The object of your crush reflects where you are in your own life, perhaps stalled at a major turning point or stuck in a social or emotional deficit. Here’s just a smattering of the many types of crushes a fangirl may develop, and what they might say about you.


Emma Pillsbury from Glee was one of my first hairporn crushes. And yes, I still have that Milly sweater hanging in my closet.

The Hairporn Crush – Don’t be fooled by the initial innocence of mooning over a female’s hair, clothing, face, or general appearance. Perhaps the most common type of crush, in many ways it can also be the most devastating. In extreme cases, the admirer may seek to completely imitate and replicate the person’s hairstyle or color or fashion sense. Or she simply might be debilitated with tears. It’s important to remember, however, that your bank account is not Blair Waldorf’s, and that your favorite celebrities have hours of prep before they read their lines. So listen to your girl crush, and don’t be afraid to try something new with your style, but keep it within the realm of reality.

The Mom Crush – A rarer breed of crushing, this one occurs when the fangirl projects unresolved parental attachment onto a celebrity or fictional character. While it can be healthy and even productive to admire the qualities of an older female, it can be quite damaging for a person to pine after a relationship than can never happen. For example, maybe Lorelai Gilmore is the mom you always wanted, but dwelling on a fantasy won’t get you very far. The best cure is to dedicate some time working on your own family relationships, and to develop mutually beneficial female friendships with older women.

The Friend Crush – Fictional characters are often adorable dorks, so it’s no wonder that we sometimes wouldn’t mind adding them to our list of friends. But if you’re over the age of 6 then you’re way past the imaginary friend acceptability window. The best cure for the type of crush is to find a friend who admires the same qualities in an individual and have some adventures together. In other words, turn off the TV and go find the Yang to your Meredith Grey, or the Ann Perkins to your Leslie Knope.

The Ninja Crush – Sometimes we see fictional ladies doing the most badass shit imaginable, like blowing stuff up, or doing magic like whoa. That doesn’t make us necessarily want to join the military or buy a samurai sword, but we need their energy to study for exams or stand up to our bosses. A ninja crush can be a great tool to rev you up in the morning, so if you need to watch Bellatrix Lestrange smoke people or Michonne from The Walking Dead decapitate 27 zombies, then by all means do it. Just figure out what the ninja version of yourself would look like, and be bold.

0452159b039c20872c65394bd9eef2ef_2810a28b480e3564eee37b44c5af56a1The Mentor Crush – Sometimes we see an older female character getting shit done and not apologizing for it. Perhaps it’s the way she leans on her desk when lecturing a younger colleague, or the way she dangles her glasses when she’s questioning a witness in court. Or just often it’s the wisdom that floats out of her mouth that makes us stop and take notes. What it says about you? That you need to move out your comfort zone and ask a real woman to be your mentor. Having a real life hero to cheer you on is infinitely better than silently pining over who’s on your DVR.

The Situation Room Crush – Sometimes two or more of these types of crushes can combine, morphing into an insatiable feelings monster. I call this state of being “The Situation Room.” Used in a sentence: “Kathleen can’t hang out with you this week, because she’s in the Situation Room.” Chances are if you girl crush has morphed into obsession, and your real life job is at stake because of all the time you’ve spent creating a fanpage for your idol, then you’re using your crush to managing the anxiety of real life. This means you need to take a step back, find some healthier ways of coping, and even seek professional help if it gets worse.

So listen to your girl crushes, and they will tell you what you need in life. You can always entertain yourself with their great hair and bold moves, but consider what it would mean to start living that reality. You can swoon over ladies, or you can become a lady worthy of swooning.


Vote for the BAMFiest one-liner!

October 3, 2014 § Leave a comment

Already ladies, here are the top ten that you submitted! Polls close Tuesday at 5pm EST! Winner gets a mug o’ BAMF. So, which line do you think is the BAMFiest?



BAMF One-Liner Competition!

September 29, 2014 § Leave a comment

All right ladies. It’s time to bust out those quoting skills and try your emotions on another Fangirl Therapy competition.

We all have quotes that float off the lips of our favorite ladyBAMFs and lodge into our brains. Perhaps we constantly reblog them in gif sets on tumblr, or we jot them down to motivate us when we’re sinking in self-doubt. It’s time to share that BAMF wisdom in a friendly little competition.

How to participate: Email your favorite BAMF one-liner to me at fangirltherapist@gmail.com, tweet @fangirltherapy, or drop the quote in my tumblr ask. Anyone can be quoted, as long as it’s a fictional character. One entry per human.

Deadline: Friday, October 3, noon EST. I’ll pick my ten favorites, and let everyone vote.

The prize: Screen Shot 2014-09-29 at 7Kidding. I mean who wouldn’t want a Diane Lockhart coucharm mug? For the prize I’ll put your winning quote on a mug and mail it straight to you! So you can drink your coffee and your BAMF wisdom every morning.

So there you go! Start pulling quotes and keep on BAMFing.

Fall TV 2014: Parade of the Lady BAMFs

September 15, 2014 § Leave a comment

You can smell in the air, folks. TV is coming. Lady BAMFs are coming. Julianna Margulies’s eyebrows are coming.

In the past few years, television has demonstrated that it might be turning the corner when it comes to scripting leading ladies who actually act and think like real women rather than the neurotic and flighty tropes of yesteryear. With the Alicia Florricks and the Sharon Raydors of the world getting top billing, that trend seems to be gaining momentum. Here are a few shows which I will be watching closely.
Bad Judge - Season Pilot

BAD JUDGE. If there is anything in the universe I love more than Kate Walsh peering over reading glasses, I haven’t found it yet. Combine the comedy potential of creator Adam McKay (Anchorman, Talladega Nights) and executive producer Will Ferrell (yes that Will Ferrell) with Walsh’s comedic timing and hairporn, and I think we have a winner. I’m excited to see Kate in something more upbeat than Private Practice and catch her BAMFing from the judge’s seat. Plus rumor has it she’ll be playing “Mom” to an eight-year-old boy, so cue the ocean of feels that accompanies a good mothership. Starts Thurs, Oct 2 at 9pm EST.

988541MADAM SECRETARY. I have always been a sucker for Tea Leoni, and this show seems like a veritable Hillary Clinton fanfic. I don’t know much about creator Barbara Hall, but it’s always nice to see a lady on top billing for writing, and the show’s lead-off position before The Good Wife on Sunday nights is sure to catch some attention. Who needs football when you have Bebe Neuwirth, am I right? Madam Secretary starts this Sunday at 8pm EST, CBS.

140509_2781081_The_Mysteries_of_Laura_Official_Trailer_anvver_8 THE MYSTERIES OF LAURA. Honesty, I’m over cop shows. But I’m not over Debra Messing, and this dramedy might be a hit. Negative points for all male developers and producers, a critique I’ve always had for James Duff’s team for Major Crimes and The Closer. The show airs Wed Sept 24 at 8pm EST on NBC.

how_to_get_away_with_murderHOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER. This title could be the name of Shonda Rhimes’ autobiography, as she is leading cause of fictional death in the United States. Shonda and I haven’t really been on speaking terms since Grey’s went off the rails and flew over 27,000 sharks, but goddamn you Viola Davis you are a national treasure. I’ll probably wait to see what fellow fangirls think before I give it a shot. The show airs on ABC at 10pm EST, Thursday, Sept 25, after Scandal.

So there you have it. If you’re wondering what I won’t be watching, State of Affairs with the notoriously notorious Katherine Heigl is at the very top of that list. Prove me wrong Heigl. I dare you.




The BAMFiest Cap

August 25, 2014 § Leave a comment

Congrats to Sarah, the winner in our BAMFiest Cap Contest. She submitted this glorious cap of Mary McDonnell playing Captain Sharon Raydor in TNT’s The Closer.


Here’s the full scene for those of you who aren’t familiar with Raydor’s badassery.

Thanks to everyone who participated! I’ll be bringing you more fangirl advice soon. Keep on BAMFin.

1st Annual Fangirl Therapy Cap-off

August 14, 2014 § Leave a comment

Fangirls love taking horrible, violent words and reappropriating them for their fluffy feels. Take the word BAMF for example. 

Starting next week we’re going to change what it means to bust a cap. If you’re like me, there’s nothing you love more than a good screencap. Chances are your desktop is literally filled with them because you couldn’t be bothered to put them in a folder. Or run a brush through your hair. Seriously brush the crumbs off your face and get some fresh air. 

So like the environmentally conscious fangirls we are, we’re gonna recycle all those caps and have a good old fashioned cap-off! 

Step 1. Ask yourself, “What is the best screencap I’ve ever taken of my favorite ladyBAMF?” 

Step 2. Email me the cap at fangirltherapist@gmail.com, post it on the facebook wall, or comment on this post with a link to your cap. 

Depending on how many entires we get, we’ll either vote all at once, or have a March Madness style bracket, only with pretty ladies. 

Thanks to everybody from tumblr who’s already sent entries! Keep them coming!

I’ll be away this weekend, technology-free in Vermont. Here’s Kalinda with a sledgehammer to tide you over. 


 See you Monday! 

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