August 26, 2015 § Leave a comment
Hi! I have some concerns about fangirl fashion. I mean, I love my shirts. In fact, I paint my own shirts with designs of the things I love. But today while I was dressing up for work, I was thinking about how is not appropriate to go to work with shirts, and this makes me sad. So I wondered, how do you dress up “right” for work without losing your fangirl style?
Just yesterday I saw the MOST PERFECT X-Wing Cardigan for sale on HerUniverse, and I thought to myself, “Could I get away with wearing an X-Wing cardigan to work?” I talked myself out of it for now, but if a Millennium Falcon cardigan comes along, I’m a goner.
So I get it. I have an “I met Sebastian at the Pawnee Harvest Festival” T-Shirt, and I’ve only ever gotten positive responses from people. But do I show up to the office wearing it? No. There’s no reason to be ashamed of what you love. Yes, you can pair a tee with a blazer or buy inspired jewelry on Etsy or any number of tricks. But how do you dress like a fangirl that people take seriously? YOU UPGRADE.
A fangirl closet should reflect the entire rainbow of her personality. Yes, you’re goofy and passionate, but you’re also BAMFy and intimidating as hell. When I asked people on Twitter who their fictional fashion heroes were, here’s what they said.
Claire Underwood – *cue ominous music*
Leona Lansing – Pearls are for giving zero fucks.
Alicia Florrick – ALL HAIL DANIEL LAWSON
Olivia Pope – Hella Coat Game
Effie Trinket – Definitely wear this to your next job interview.
Sharon Morris – Because some of us are ridiculous.
And of course Queen of My Life, Diane Lockhart
There are so many great websites for TV fashion. Possessionista is one of my favorites, because she IDs fashion and also provides you with cheaper knock-offs or similar styles. Or you can simply type “dress like [insert character]” into Google, and you’ll find tons of articles directing you to examples. It’s amazing how channeling your fave can help you conquer.
Don’t stop creating, and don’t stop unicorn trotting. But don’t be afraid to find a woman who can help you breathe a little bit of fire as well.
February 25, 2015 § Leave a comment
Body language impacts your brain and your personality. Amy Cuddy’s TED Talk highlighted this reality a few years ago. But why limit yourself to the same boring Wonder Woman pose? There is an endless choreography of BAMF poses you can try to feel more powerful. Here are a few.
1. The Commander
Huddle your troops with this move.
Everything the light touches is your kingdom.
2. The BAMF Lean
Enlighten hapless coworkers with your chair prop.
Add an over-the-glasses peer to strike terror.
3. The One-Arm
A versatile move that’s good for lecturing.
For AP BAMFing, try the one-arm-hair-flip-glasses-dangle.
4. The Merkel
You just stick your hand out to stop a dood from being wrong.
“Look at you being so wrong in your wrongness.”
5. The Couch Arm
Words are inadequate.
Remember, when it comes to power poses, take it slow.
It’s not about how you look but how you’ll feel as you conquer.
February 11, 2015 § 4 Comments
Hi. I have a problem with what career should I choose as a Fangirl. Can you help me?
Hai Amalia. Let me be your fangirl guidance counselor. Like Emma Pillsbury, I too have career advice and an unreasonable amount of enamel flower brooches.
Fangirls make great employees. I’ve been saying this for years on social media while I avoid my work. Our skills include:
- Googling. You cannot hide. We will find your email address and everything about you and encrypt our IP address. I’m not in Wales. Or am I? Muhahaha.
- Staying current. We know everything that happens the moment it happens. God Facebook, that was 3 weeks ago.
- Memorization. You want to know what happened in episode 3×13? Take a seat son.
- Crisis management. I made it through work today after a Good Wife promo was released with Diane Lockhart wearing a camo hoodie and a tiny fur hat. Look me in the eye and tell me that’s not a skill.
- 100% dedication. We will ride a sinking ship into the depths of an ocean canyon. We will stick with a show 7 seasons after a shark sails over the entire plot. Our loyalty rivals Hufflepuffdom.
Who wouldn’t want these skills in a future employee? Who needs social skills or basic time management when you have 100% DEDICATION, Amalia.
But let’s get serious. The reality is that a fangirl can be anything she wants. If her passion for a screencap is unrivaled, then imagine how far her dedication to a real cause will go? Here are a few tips you should take away.
1. Fictional jobs are not real life jobs. Surgeons are not having sex in the break room like they do on Grey’s Anatomy. Crime scene investigators are not flying around in helicopters. Professors aren’t flipping their chairs backwards to give impromptu library lectures in tweeds. Vampire slayers are not . . . well they probably are. Fiction can be a great starting point for brainstorming career ideas, but you’ve got to throw yourself into a real world environment first to see if you like it.
2. Practice getting rejected. Amalia, if you want to be successful, you have to become immune to the word “No.” Fear of rejection or failure should never be a reason not try something new or ask for an opportunity. I get many “No’s” from editors every week, and it keeps my skin thick. Your favorite character has probably failed at many tasks, so use him or her for inspiration in your journey. The sooner you can get comfortable with rejection, the faster you’ll progress in your career.
3. Find a real life BAMF. Fictional people are easy to summon for career courage. What would Laura Roslin do? is a question I ask myself daily. But I also have had mentors with skin who can give good advice and encourage me along the way. Find someone in a career you might like and ask them to be your mentor. You’ll be surprised how willing people are to share the knowledge they wished they had when they were your age.
Above all, Amalia, remember that you can change your career whenever you want. Sure you might have to keep the same day job to pay the rent, but as fangirls, our passions are constantly changing. So why should our hopes and dreams be any different? I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I’m having a hell of a time figuring it out.
Finally, I’ll leave you with the immortal words of Diane Lockhart, because they work way better than mine.
When the door you’ve been knocking at finally swings open, you don’t ask why. You run through.
December 9, 2014 § 1 Comment
I love fangirl stuff. And people seem to think it’s the only kind of gift I want. Don’t get me wrong. My plush ‘lil Sebastian and my Treat Yo Self tee are prized possessions. But since I’ve become a fanwoman, I want my fangirl merch to be more than just cute. Enter the concept of the BAMF talisman.
So if you’re looking for a way to spend the cash your grandma sent you or want to find an empowering gift for a fangirl friend, here are some of my picks!
Lady BAMF Candle
Have a big job interview or a final coming up? Need the energy to say “No” to a family member or “Yes” to a new project? Light a lady BAMF candle and summon your courage! You can make your own or buy one on Etsy. I love this Leslie Knope one, and it’s a steal at $7.
The Good Wife Inspired Bling
It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t mention something from my favorite show, right? Diane Lockhart usually has a BAMF power ring (what some might call a cocktail ring) on her middle finger. I like to think it’s her classy way of telling people to fuck off. Try one of these Blue Bijoux rings from Max and Chloe ($30, plus 20% off!) to make you feel powerful at work! If that’s not your style and you have $62 bucks to spend, you can still get Kalinda’s lucky horseshoe necklace here.
My Triumphs, My Mistakes Journal
Want to keep track of your successes and setbacks in 2015? Was your life ruined by Battlestar Galactica? Then this Dr. Gaius Baltar journal is perfect for you. I mean, nobody’s perfect right? I keep track of my rejections to keep me motivated to write, but I’m also careful to record my BAMF wins so that I can look over the year and be proud! If you still can’t stand the sight of Baltar’s face, maybe pick up a cool “So say we all” temporary tattoo for a day you need inspiration?
(Caution: spoilers ahead!) Every fangirl needs a sweatshirt to hide her face in when her OTP flirts, but why not have one that asks one of the most important question in life as well? What would Carol Peletier do? If Michonne is your favorite or if you don’t have $40 to spend, then you need one of my favorite BAMF talismans, the katana sword necklace. And if Beth is your favorite…well I’m super sorry and hope you recover as quickly as you can in this difficult time.
If none of these activate your feels, then stay tuned! I’ll have more holiday gift ideas next week.
Until then, keep on BAMFing.
October 29, 2014 § Leave a comment
I’m super pumped to announce that I’ve started writing about fangirl-ish and mental health topics for The Huffington Post’s blog site. You can help support fangirl awareness by reading my posts, sharing them on social media, and/or by leaving comments on Huffpo. Thanks again to everyone for your support and encouragement and creys! And as we say on tumblr, my ask is always open.
How to Find Your Own Diane Lockhart
If you weren’t watching Sunday night’s episode of The Good Wife, then you missed one of the most iconic moments ever for women on television. After five plus years of scraping her way to the top, Alicia Florrick finally stepped into the corner office of the departed Will Gardner and claimed it as her own. With a nod of approval from her once superior and now peer Diane Lockhart, Alicia settled into her throne. You could almost hear the collective cheer across social media, as women of all ages celebrated what is rarer in television than it is in real life: two women sitting at the top and admiring the view.
“You’re elegant,” a drunk Alicia confessed to her former mentor last season. “I always wanted to be like you.” It was the perfect example of a classy lady crush, such an alien interaction on television, where women are often pitted against one another for a job or a love interest. From the very beginning, creators of the show Robert and Michelle King were careful to steer clear of that route, and for that we are eternally grateful.
Read the rest on Huffpo!
October 3, 2014 § Leave a comment
August 28, 2014 § Leave a comment
My latest in Thought Catalog
I’m a licensed therapist and a mental health journalist, but when I get home at night and my laptop blinks to life, I’m a fangirl. Fictional characters have transported me through more than one challenge in my life, from job interviews to bad dates to the death of my mother. Story is powerful, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s coming from across the table or from your Netflix account.
Last winter break, desperate to detox from graduate school, I went on a therapeutic TV binge. In a superhuman feat requiring years of fangirl preparation, I inhaled almost 100 episodes of CBS’s hit drama The Good Wife in just a few weeks. The show’s brilliant take on office politics and its pioneering female roles made me sit up straight. And before you could say “Christine Baranski” three times fast, I began to take notes.
Perhaps my professors might cringe and weep, but I learned more about my abilities and my goals in those two weeks than I have in five years of graduate education. The field of psychology is dominated by women, so you’d think that the following wisdom have come up once or twice. But the truth is that sometimes TV is the best teacher of them all. Here are five lessons the show taught me that have legitimately changed my entire life in the last seven months.
Read the rest here.