fangirl dilemma: have I got what it takes?

June 10, 2014 § Leave a comment

Tessa writes,

Hello 🙂 Thank you for your blog and for this website, for sharing and inspiring! Could you please give me some advice still?  Very often I just spend time watching the stuff BAMF’s (both fictional and real-life) do, and they (you included) always awe me. However I don’t think that I deserve to be like that. I don’t think that I have such great qualities in me, such morals and courage. Is this possibly true? Thank youxx

Tessa,

Thanks for your honest words.  Once I read this fabulous quote from a poet posted by another blogger. It goes, “We are vey badly made, but we are not finished.”

I can’t think of a better way to understand being a BAMF. Yes BAMFs might stick to their morals and be courageous, but they can be extraordinarily shitty people at times like the rest of us. Laura Roslin cheated to win an election. My current love Diane Lockhart sold her partner out to try to get a promotion. That’s why they’re so appealing to me. They’re flawed gorgeous creatures who manage to rise out of their own hopeless humanity more often than not.

Maybe you don’t feel like you have what it takes, but the best place to start is to consider what extremely shitty circumstances have helped build the person you are.

I’m growing as a writer because I get up and try when I don’t feel like it. But also because I’ve been rejected more times than notes on my most popular tumblr meme.

I’m growing in my relationships because of my willingness to take responsibility for myself. But also because I’ve stayed in bad ones even though I knew the other person never loved me and never would.

I’m growing as a BAMF because I see the qualities in amazing women I admire. But also because I missed out on important relationships with BAMFs in real life I ignored or neglected.

Tessa, I am very badly made. But I’m not finished with myself.  And neither are you. Your humanness is the most important trait you will ever need to be a BAMF. And god knows we’re up to our ears in our humanness!

So keep paying attention to real and fictional BAMFs, but don’t forget to pay attention to yourself. All the ingredients are already there. Just don’t be afraid to mess up a few times along the way.

Love,

Kathleen

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