Be My Friend

October 21, 2016 § 2 Comments


Jolie writes,

Hey Kathleen!

I want to start by letting you know that I’m really happy about The Fangirl Life. Recently I’ve been uncovering my creative side outside of my obsessions so I feel like your book would be a huge help to me. Unfortunately right now I’m going on holiday overseas really soon and I’ve gotta save, but I will definitely get onto buying ASAP 🙂

Now, here’s the thing – I’m part of a super obscure fandom so unlike a lot of fans sometimes I find it hard to connect to people who share the same interests online. And even if I do come across them, I have no idea how to approach them in a way that would make a friendship between us seem organic. Since I don’t use Twitter or Tumblr I usually find them on YouTube, and that’s not really a ‘social media’ as much as it is a video platform.

Which leads to the fact that I found someone from within my general interest circle who inspired me a lot because they’ve harnessed their passions and turned them into a personal living, and a meaningful contribution to the world. They live on the other side of the globe, but I found their social media (stalker, I know) and I’d really like to message them, probably even ask to write to them, just to let them know how much they motivate me; it’d make me feel like I’d have someone to connect to as well. But I’m just some chick from another country who’s never met them but managed to track down their profile – I feel like they might that find that creepy and that’s what’s making me really hesitant.

I’m so sorry about the length of this post, but advice would be very much appreciated!
Thank you 🙂

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Am I Done Fangirling?

August 24, 2016 § 1 Comment

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Michelle writes,

I’ve been finding myself not as into my usual obsessions lately.  My IRL collections are starting to bug me because they take up space, I’m not as passionate about things as I used to be, and I’m not really enjoying myself anymore when I hang out with my friends (I’m actually been getting annoyed because all they talk about are their fandoms).

I used to be hardcore about my obsessions, but now I feel more exasperated towards it all. And it’s weird because these feelings are really out of character for me… especially the “no longer enjoy time with friends” part. I thought maybe I was growing up but my friends are older than me which makes me feel even more strange.

Fangirling has been a major part of my life for so long but now… It’s like I hardly know myself at all anymore…What should I do?

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The Twitterverse

April 26, 2016 § Leave a comment


Anonymous asks,

So I guess one question I have is this. What do you do if you feel like you’re just waiting for a response from the cast you tweet with (even just a like or RT), & it makes you sad if it’s been awhile since that’s happened but you see their Twitter interactions with people you know & it creates jealousy? And if you feel like you’ve made a group of friends & slowly start to doubt if those people think of you the same way? All of this feels so junior high. And at my age, feels really really silly.

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Too Shy

April 19, 2016 § 1 Comment


Joanah writes,

I recently saw this girl at my school and I noticed that she was wearing an NBC Hannibal T-shirt and so I wanted to hang out with her, but I was too shy to go over and speak to her. I’m uncomfortable around people and I’m afraid that I’ll do something weird. (It’s honestly a miracle that I have any ‘friends’ at all.) I wanted to say,”I eat the rude,” (it’s a quote from the show) but I just couldn’t get up the courage to speak, even when I was so close by her. Please help me make fangirl friends! (Also, I love your book! :3)

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Normal People Problems

February 24, 2016 § Leave a comment


X writes,

Hi! My problem is that normal people don’t interest me anymore. The only people I care about are either fictional or celebrities. It’s not that I don’t have friends–I do. But I’m always unfamiliar with the topic they are talking about, which is always either a ‘cute’ boy (which I confuse with another boy) or a popular girl I have no idea about.

I don’t want to know every gossip. But I want to be able to join the conversation and say my opinion rather than just sitting uncomfortably wondering who they are talking about or saying, ‘Hey something like that happened to (insert celebrity name here) too!’

I feel really lonely when we meet with my friends or when I try to avoid sleepovers and things like that. 
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What Makes a Fangirl?

February 8, 2016 § 1 Comment


Anonymous writes,

I love being a fangirl and I love fangirling. I watch tons of popular and obscure shows and I often dive in to the fandoms for those shows. My problem comes in the “variety” (for lack of a better term) apparent in my fangirling. I’ve never fangirled over a female character!

I keep lists for actors I’m a fan of and try to watch all their stuff, but never an actress. I worry something is wrong with me because I just can’t seem to connect with any female characters or actresses like all my friends do. Is this just a case of not watching shows with strong female characters? I’m way more of a horror/Sci-fi gal than romance and for a long time I just assumed that was my problem.

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I Saw It First

January 14, 2016 § Leave a comment


Sarah writes,

I’ve developed this issue with getting pretty possessive of my favorite TV shows and even celebrities. I’m glad when more people watch my favorite show, because that’s obviously good and increases the chances of there being more seasons, but I feel jealous whenever I hear people talk about it at school.

I watched the show I’m currently obsessed with since January 2014. After it’s been broadcast in my country here too in summer, more people know and talk about it.  I have this nasty possessive feeling of having known it first. I know the thing’s obviously not mine and that’s a ridiculous thought. Perhaps it has to do with my disliking people around here, because they’ve always given me a feeling of being out of place, so naturally I don’t want them to enjoy the same things I love?

The bottom line is that I can’t handle the amount of people who love my favorite things too and even though they’re all over the world and I’ll never see them all in one place, I feel like I’m being crushed.

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Friendship, The Best Ship

September 28, 2014 § Leave a comment


Jealousy always has been my cross, the weakness and woundedness in me that has most often caused me to feel ugly and unlovable, like the Bad Seed. I’ve had many years of recovery and therapy, years filled with intimate and devoted friendships, yet I still struggle. I know that when someone gets a big slice of pie, it doesn’t mean there’s less for me. In fact, I know that there isn’t even a pie, that there’s plenty to go around, enough food and love and air.  But I don’t believe it for a second. I secretly believe there’s a pie. I will go to my grave brandishing my fork. 
 – Anne Lamott

Spend two seconds in any fandom and you will see jealousy flare its ugly head. Fangirls act like they own a character, or they dismiss anyone who disagrees with them. They secretly hate those with more of a following or those who’ve met a certain celebrity.  Anywhere there are humans on this planet there will be competition, so flailing over an OTP or debate over characterization is no exception.  But did you know that that your emotions are the most tasty when you hand over the pie and let someone else have a slice?

Last weekend I went on a fangirl road trip to visit some of my tumblr friends (then twitter friends now real life friends).  Two of us left after a long day of work at 9pm for a 6 hour road trip to meet our friends. And I can tell you without a doubt that arriving at a person’s house you’ve never met, in a strange city, at 3:30 in the morning, is the reason I am fangirl.  It’s like getting to be a kid again, but with wine.  When you meet women with whom you have shared the spectrum of emotions over the stories and characters you love, it’s like coming home. There is no need to impress, no need to size up, no need to compete in the manner that plagues so many of our adult relationships.

If you spend a lot of time complaining about interacting in a fandom, then it’s probably because you’re not doing it right. If you feel anxious because someone posted a picture of a celebrity before you do, or stole your fic idea, then you’ve failed to set your sights on the best part of fandom. The ship that sails faster and farther than the most life-ruining of OTPs. Friendship.


Unless you make them up yourself, you can never own a character, or a pairing, or a story.  Sure, maybe you write better Vampire Diaries fanfic than anyone else ever has. Even better than Diane Lockhart’s housekeeper. But when we fangirl, we are borrowing characters. We’re taking them off the shelf, dusting them off, and taking them for a spin. But the shelf isn’t yours. The house isn’t even yours. You’re a guest, and you can spend that time bossing around the other visitors, or you can start paying attention to some of the absolutely fabulous people who just so happen to have stopped by.

The best fandom friends are the ones who root for your story as much as they do for your favorites in fiction. So don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to someone, or to shake someone off who’s bringing you down. Life is too short to get stuck in what’s temporary. Your interests may be transitory, but your confidantes don’t have to be.




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