Death by OTP
January 4, 2016 § 2 Comments
Morgan writes,
My OTP is legit killing me. Every time they are alone together, one of them almost confesses their feelings, but then gets interrupted. I’ve tried reading fanfiction like I’ve done with my other OTPs, but all of them are set after the series had ended so I can’t read it without spoiling everything.
Everybody on the show knows that they are totally into each other. They stare as if they are the only two people in the galaxy. They get insanely jealous whenever the other one is in a relationship (which usually only lasts an episode), and they have no personal space whatsoever, but they still don’t let it go anywhere.
The worst part is that I know they will kiss in the last season, but I don’t want to binge the show so quickly that I don’t get to enjoy it. I can’t even begin to describe my feelings when they’re together. It’s like I want to cry, laugh, hug something, and die all at the same time. I just don’t know what to do! Please help!
Morgan, here’s what I want you to do.
Step 1. Buy a catburger.
Step 2. Live in that burger every time your OTP is on screen. The burger doth protect and sooth.
Addicts experience the highest high right before they take a drug. Lucky for us, we have safer, legal drugs. AKA OTP MAKEOUTS. This is why the moments before our ship sails into Canon City are the best ones. The feeliest of feels. So cherish them.
You’re doing exactly what you should be doing by not rushing your ship. By prolonging the end, you’re actually making yourself less tolerant to the feels (meaning you’ll have less of a hangover when you finish the show).
The arc of shipping is a lot like life when you think about it. We want to rush towards the best moments in our future, but we also want to stay still in the present when life is good. But time moves at its own pace.
There will be plenty of time for fic and AU headcanon when you finish the show. THESE MOMENTS, those prekiss moments, are the ones you’ll never be able to replicate. You can never unwatch a show, and experience that all over again. So live, dammit! Savor the moment. Squee like you’ve never squee-ed before. And above all, snuggle in the giant catburger we call life.
Party of One
December 17, 2015 § 1 Comment
Contentless in Cleveland writes,
I’m in love with an actress who, though by no means obscure, does not have an active fandom at all. If I want to look at GIFs of her pretty face, I have to make them myself. Her tumblr tag is full of dudes she just happens to have costarred with once. A new post about her appears on Instagram less than once per week, and then it’s usually just a poster for a film she appeared in (no starring role = no face on said poster). I have reached the bottom of her Getty Images page several times (JUST FOUR PAGES). Needless to say, there is no fanfiction to read about any of her characters.
What’s a fangirl to do when all she wants is the quick rush of seeing new content about her fave, and there is never any to be found? Am I all alone here? Hellooooooooo?
The 24/7’s
December 15, 2015 § Leave a comment
Sophie writes,
I have an obsession with two YouTubers, and it’s really getting out of hand. I fantasize about them 24/7, even when I’m at school. It’s resulting in my grades dropping, and I no longer give a damn about the real world. I worry because my attitude to school has changed so much, and it’s parents’ evening soon.
This leads me onto my second problem: My parents really don’t understand my fangirling and it’s really getting me down. I know that it’s getting out of hand. I have tried to stop, but I can’t and there is nobody to help me, and if I say this my parents won’t understand! Help!
It’s Totally a Real Job: Kathleen Smith, Author
December 10, 2015 § 1 Comment
Check out my latest interview on DistractedBlogger.com!
In this week’s installment of It’s Totally a Real Job, I’m chatting with Kathleen Smith, a blogger and the author of the upcoming book, The Fangirl Life: A Guide to Feeling All the Feels and Learning How to Deal. If you read Sam Maggs’ The Fangirl’s Guide to the Galaxy, Kathleen’s book should be right up your alley! I’m so happy Kathleen took time out of her schedule to talk blogging, books, and all things geek with us. So without further ado, meet Kathleen!
What drew you in to writing, both blogging and writing books? Was it a lifelong dream, or did you just sort of stumble into becoming a book author?
I have a history of freelancing and creating blogs on a whim, but I stumbled into becoming an author. A few years ago I made a deal with myself to try and get rejected every day, so that I could become immune to…
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Mini Fangirl Dilemmas!
December 9, 2015 § Leave a comment
I get a lot of great questions from readers, but sometimes I don’t have time to answer them all. Here are a few mini questions with mini answers. But remember there are no small fangirl dilemmas. Only small fangirls. No really, some of us are short.
Q: I’m fangirling so hard on Troye Sivan, that I think I’m gonna die. It’s at the worst phase now because he is having a show in the country right next to mine. LITERALLY HOURS AWAY. And I feel like I have missed my shot and now my life is over. Btw is ‘Fangirl Therapy’ a book?
A: 
You will not die. Troye Sivan’s brain isn’t even done developing yet, and neither is yours. You will have more shots for more creys. Work hard so you can afford to catch a glimpse of your faves. YAS A BOOK!
Q: I’m the type of fangirl who just becomes overly obsessed. I’ll find an anime or book series or a ship that I really like and then it’s all I can think about. My grades are dropping because of this. I don’t want to tell me parents this because everything I obsess about is something they hate, so I’m in trouble all the time. What should I do?
A: You sound like a character in a YA book that people would root for. What would this character do to make us raise our fists in triumph? Do that.
Q: I hate it when other fangirls of the same fandom get into HUGE shipping wars.
A: As Ghandi said, be the shipper you wish to see in the world. Maybe the rest won’t follow, but you’ll be hella calmer about it. Learning you can’t control other people is what we call extreme adulting.
Q: Help me I am experiencing The Creys and my abdomen hurts so much from it I literally can’t move and my mum is concerned about me and I keep rolling to attempt and stop the pain it hurts to much what are some methods to stop them.
A: That’s not creys; it’s anxiety. If your tum is still hurting, talk to your doctor or a counselor.
Q: MY SHIP JUST SANK.
A: Choice 1- Climb on some floating debris and save yourself. Another vessel will come along and pick you up. Choice 2- Canon is only as real as you give it permission to be. Summon the fic and headcanon.
Q: If anonymous questions are welcomed, how come the Name field is required?
A: Who hurt you, sassmaster?
Star Wars Anxiety
December 4, 2015 § 1 Comment
Star Wars Gal writes,
I’m writing on behalf of my girlfriend. Lately she’s become very anxious about the upcoming Star Wars sequel. Specifically, she’s worried that the new movie will turn Luke into a villain (or kill him off). The idea that Luke could be dead in the film, or turned to the Dark Side, really really upsets her — she started crying about it at one point.
We’ve discussed why Luke is important to her as a character, and why she might be feeling so strongly about this possibility. We’ve agreed that I’ll go see the movie on my own first, to check if she’ll be able to cope with the plotline. What she’d like me to ask you is, can you recommend some ways to handle her anxiety and distress about this?
The Problem With Hollywood Casting a Novel
November 24, 2015 § Leave a comment
What would you tell me if I asked you, “What does Katniss Everdeen look like?” Chances are, Jennifer Lawrence pops into your head. Maybe you haven’t yet read Girl on the Train yet, but the alcoholic Rachel morphed into Emily Blunt for you the moment that casting was announced. These days film rights are being snatched up at the first sign of any novel’s success, and suddenly characters that sprang from the head of the author are Hollywood cast before we get the chance to consider what they look like ourselves. Should we rejoice, or hide behind our books?
Peter Mendelsund, author of What We See When We Read, warns that having book characters permanently cast in our mind is a hazardous act. He suggests that our perspectives as readers are infected when we flip through our minds like a copy of US Weekly until we find the perfect heroine. As a fangirl, I was immediately taken aback by this suggestion. What was so wrong with adding Meryl Streep to spice up a boring narrative or Viola Davis to survive a lit class?
27 Thoughts I Had When I Saw Christine Baranski On Stage
November 20, 2015 § Leave a comment
I talk a lot about the fangirl brain on this site, so it’s only fair that I give you guys a peek into my own. On Monday I had the honor of seeing THE QUEEN HERSELF, Christine Baranski, at the Public Theater in NYC with my fangirl friend Lauren.
Christine participated in a variety of readings and discussion about another queen, Cleopatra. And I promptly died. Here are 27 thoughts I had during the performance, because 27 is a great number.
DEAR. SWEET. LORD. SHE IS GONNA COME UP OUT OF THAT DOOR LIKE BOTTICELLI’S VENUS. I’M NOT READY. I’M FINE. I’M NOT FINE.
WHAT IF MERYL SHOWS UP? WHAT IF SHE SHOWS UP AND I WATCH MERYL STREEP WATCHING CHRISTINE BARANSKI? WOULD THE UNIVERSE COLLAPSE ON ITSELF?
WHAT IF JULIANNA SHOWS UP? WHAT IF ARCHIE AND JULIANNA SHOW UP AND IT’S SUPER AWKWARD AND WE ALL DIE FROM AWKWARDNESS? OH GOD I HOPE NO ONE SHOWS UP?
OHHHHHH NO. SHE IS A PERSON. WE’RE IN THE SAME ROOM IN THE SAME SOLAR SYSTEM AND SHE IS A PERSON AND NOT A TV MIRAGE.
WELP, WHO CARES ABOUT WHAT ANYONE IS SAYING CAUSE I’M GONNA STUDY THIS WOMAN’S EVERY GESTURE FOR THE NEXT TWO HOURS.
SHE KEEPS BRUSHING HER SUPER PERFECT UNICORN-TEAR STYLED HAIR BACK WITH HER FINGERS TO MURDER ME SPECIFICALLY.
SHE’S WEARING GLASSES BECAUSE GOD IS REAL.
WHYYYYYY IS SHE ROLLING HER WATERBOTTLE UP INSIDE HER SWEATER LIKE A KANGAROO. UNANTICIPATED GOOBER FEELINGS. S.O.S.
SHE KEEPS TOUCHING THE CORNERS OF HER LIPS. HER NAILS ARE SILVER JUST LIKE DIANE LOCKHART. IS DIANE LOCKHART REAL? CAN THE GAY MEN AT OUR TABLE SEE THE TINY MUSHROOM CLOUDS IN MY EYEBALLS?
SHE’S MOUTHING ALONG TO OTHER PEOPLE’S LINES. THIS IS SO INTENSE. SHE’S SO ELEGANT. I’M SO VERY FUCKED.
WHO IS THIS LUMINESCENT ANGEL QUEEN?
WHY IS THAT WOMAN INTERRUPTING CHRISTINE??? LISTEN UP FIVE, A TEN IS SPEAKING.
I SHOULD PROBABLY KEEP DRINKING.
NOW I HAVE TO PEE. BUT WHAT IF SHE LOOKS AT ME WHEN I GET UP TO LEAVE AND WE MAKE EYE CONTACT. WHAT IF MERYL’S IN THE BATHROOM? WHAT DO YOU SAY TO MERYL STREEP WHEN YOU’RE DRYING YOUR HANDS?
OH GOD, SHE SAID SOMETHING SMART. OH SHE’S SO SMART. THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST.
SHE’S THE LAST CLEOPATRA. SHE’S THE SHAKESPEARE CLEOPATRA. THIS MAKES ME THINK OF MISS FISHER AND JACK ROBINSON. DAMMIT KATHLEEN, FOCUS! ONE SITUATION AT A TIME.
IF MARYANNE THORPE WERE CLEOPATRA, THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE WOULD SOUND LIKE.
EVERYONE ON THE STAGE IS UNICORN STARING AT HER. GOOD JOB EVERYONE.
OH GOD THE GLASSES ARE COMING OFF.
OH GOD SHE FINALLY SWOOPED HER BANGS OVER THE TOP OF HER HEAD.
SHE JUST TOOK THE FOCUS OFF OF HER BY SAYING HOW GREAT CUSH IS. OF COURSE YOU WOULD DO THAT, CHRISTINE. OF COURSE YOU WOULD. LIFTING UP OTHER LADIES. KILL ME NOW.
OH NO IT’S OVER. BUT IF I SCREAM RIGHT NOW WE COULD MAKE EYE CONTACT. DO. NOT. SCREAM.
IT’S OVER. I SHOULD TAKE A PIC. GOD, APPLE, WHY IS YOUR LOAD SCREEN SO SLOW. WHYYYYYYYYY. NOOOOOOOO.
OKAY I’M FINE. PICTURES CAN’T CAPTURE HER. SHE IS EVERYTHING.
An Unscripted Life
November 17, 2015 § Leave a comment
Unrequited Lover writes,
I have crushes on fictional characters. I know that I will never meet them and that there is no chance that we could ever be together, but I still refuse to accept it. I can’t even wrap my head around it.
Having such strong feelings for fictional characters is interfering with my real life. If someone ever asks me on a date, it’s very rare that I’ll even consider it, because of the feelings I have for characters that don’t exist. It’s starting to get out of hand, and I’m missing out on a lot of opportunities. Help me please!
Family Meanies
November 9, 2015 § Leave a comment
Jo writes,
I am a hardcore Gravity Falls fangirl. I just finished the latest episode, and it has seriously messed me up. I think I had a fangirl mental breakdown. But the worst part is that my parents just keep telling me, “Get over it. It’s not real.” My sister taped it laughing and my brother kept calling out “You sad you mega cry-baby?” I tried to delete the video from her phone to keep her from sharing it, but that just made my parents yell at me more, saying I couldn’t touch her stuff. I need to stop being a fangirl, but at the same time it’s the only thing keeping me together.
Fangirl Therapy 