Death is Coming
August 30, 2015 § 3 Comments
*WARNING – Divergent series spoiler below*
Kyla writes,
I’m not sure if you have heard of the Divergent series, but if you have, I have a serious issue. Recently my friend made me watch Insurgent. That’s not torture, but I really can’t bear to watch Four and Tris when she dies later on. It’s too painful. Please help.
We do not sign up for character death when we become licensed fangirls. We sign up for the ABCs. Angst. Badassery. Character Development. But Death is never far behind, snatching up those we love and impacting us as though they weren’t fictional.
Kyla, you face the same dilemma as Four at the end of Allegiant. Forgetting about Tris is convenient and an attractive solution. But we’re better people when we pass on the memory serum and instead let those character deaths make us into the women that we are. Women who’ve experienced loss, both real and fictional, and come out better because of it. You don’t have to love character death, but you should show compassion to the person you are because of it.
If you need to take a step back and not engage in fandom or avoid the third movie for awhile, I’d say that’s fine. But you’ve got a little less than 7 months to prepare yourself. What I suggest you do is write down the character traits that speak to you in the series, which ones you’d like to emulate or work on in your own life. While you won’t be scaling ferris wheels or leading rebellions, you can look for small but significant ways to take that courage and use it.
To quote The X-Files, our conscience is the dead speaking to us. So what does Tris speak to you and your life? Only you can figure that out.
Love,
Kathleen
Fantasy Fangirl Roster
August 28, 2015 § 1 Comment
It’s almost fall, and you know what that means, ladies. The air turns crisp, you ingest more Starbucks calories, and on Sunday nights we gather around the ceremonial pizza as our favorite players take the field. Yes, I’m talking about TELEVISION. *high-fives you*
My boyfriend recently joined a fantasy football league with coworkers, and during our discussion about how the game works, I had the best idea. WHAT IF THERE WAS A FANGIRL VERSION OF FANTASY FOOTBALL? Yes that’s right. Fangirl Fantasy Football. A serious fangirl is keeping stats and stacking her TV roster with only the BAMFiest of ladies. Points could be awarded for creys-inducement, badassery, hilarity, hair, and any other situation-inducing scenes.
Who would you pick to be on your roster? Here’s mine for the 2015-2016 season.
CREYS QUEEN – Laurie Garvey
FOR TV – THE LEFTOVERS – HBO – Amy Brenneman. Photo credit: Paul Schiraldi/HBO.
I’m still stomping around Twitter trying to get people to watch HBO’s The Leftovers. Though this suburban mom turned cult member didn’t utter a single word the first half of season 1, Laurie Garvey was one of the most compelling characters on the show. You’d think that a mother who abandoned her children in the wake of the apocalypse is the least sympathetic character imaginable, but Amy Brenneman plays it like a superstar and sucks your tears right out of your face. WATCH THIS SHOW YOU GUYS. WATCH IT. I’M CRYING ALREADY CAUSE YOU WON’T. WHYYYYYY. DON’T TOUCH ME.
THE UNDERDOG – Edith Crawley
I’ve never been an Edith fan. Especially since she stole a baby 17 times last season and almost burned down the house. I can’t wait until Season 6 starts up next month and she inadvertently causes The Great Depression, World War II, and Firefly’s premature cancellation. But a good underdog earns those points when they skyrocket from the out of nowhere, so I’m counting on Julian Fellowes (who loves to pair everyone off tidily) to hand her a few bones this season and maybe a love interest who doesn’t die or chicken out.
The HBIC – Nadine Tolliver
You know I’m a Cheers fan, so I’ve been loving me some Bebe since I entered the birth canal. I’m less convinced by the unrealistic dish washing Secretary of State in Elizabeth McCord and more interested in the BAMF moves that her Chief of Staff can show us this season. Maybe she’ll lean on conference tables and shout at people. A girl can dream.
THE NEWBIE – Chrisjen Avasarala
YOU GUYS. If you’re not excited about the critically acclaimed Expanse sci-fi series coming to Syfy this December, then GET EXCITED. Cause LADY BAMF ahoy. It’s not secret that I’m a fan of the 63 year olds (Mary Hairnado McDonnell, Motherfucking Baranski), and I’m happy to add another one to my list. Shohreh Aghdashloo plays Chrisjen Avasarala, the U.N. Deputy Undersecretary of Executive Administration. Which is a really long title for BAMFS….IN….SPAAAAACE.
The Ninja – Michonne
Every good roster needs its Ninja, the athletic and insightful powerhouse that provides all ass-kicking entertainment. Chopping heads off like WHOA with her Katana, she’ll be earning those baddassery points faster than you can shout, CARLLLL!” More like Ninja of my heart.
“Special” Teams Unicorn – Elsbeth Tascioni
I know this is not a surprise to anyone who has every met me. When you bring your special teams onto the field, the guest stars have to guarantee that Emmy nom. And who better to secure that spot in the finals than Ms. Carrie Preston herself, comedienne extraordinaire, and her quirky genius character. My only prayer is that she fangirls a little over Diane and I can live vicariously through her.
And finally, our fictional QB. . . *drum roll please*
THE MEGABAMF – Dana Katherine “She’s a Fucking Medical Doctor” Scully
Are you surprised? I’m three seasons into the X-Files, and I cannot wait to see what our beloved DKS will be like as a middle-aged powerhouse. Also PRAISE BE for an updated wardrobe and no beige pantsuits from 1995. Let’s see if Duchovs can keep up with our MEGABAMF as Gillian portrays her. I’M FINE. NOTHING TO SEE HERE.
So these are my picks! Sure I’ve got my old faves on the bench, like Queen Lockhart and Elsie “Suppose a Bomb Goes Off In My Heart” Hughes, but I’m starting with some newbies and some MVPs.
Let me know who would be on your roster via Twitter or email! Then let’s get out there and play some crey. You bring the beer, and I’ll bring the giant sweatshirts to hide our faces.
Fangirl Style
August 26, 2015 § Leave a comment
Saori-Luna writes,
Hi! I have some concerns about fangirl fashion. I mean, I love my shirts. In fact, I paint my own shirts with designs of the things I love. But today while I was dressing up for work, I was thinking about how is not appropriate to go to work with shirts, and this makes me sad. So I wondered, how do you dress up “right” for work without losing your fangirl style?
Just yesterday I saw the MOST PERFECT X-Wing Cardigan for sale on HerUniverse, and I thought to myself, “Could I get away with wearing an X-Wing cardigan to work?” I talked myself out of it for now, but if a Millennium Falcon cardigan comes along, I’m a goner.
So I get it. I have an “I met Sebastian at the Pawnee Harvest Festival” T-Shirt, and I’ve only ever gotten positive responses from people. But do I show up to the office wearing it? No. There’s no reason to be ashamed of what you love. Yes, you can pair a tee with a blazer or buy inspired jewelry on Etsy or any number of tricks. But how do you dress like a fangirl that people take seriously? YOU UPGRADE.
A fangirl closet should reflect the entire rainbow of her personality. Yes, you’re goofy and passionate, but you’re also BAMFy and intimidating as hell. When I asked people on Twitter who their fictional fashion heroes were, here’s what they said.
Claire Underwood – *cue ominous music*
Leona Lansing – Pearls are for giving zero fucks.
Alicia Florrick – ALL HAIL DANIEL LAWSON
Olivia Pope – Hella Coat Game
Effie Trinket – Definitely wear this to your next job interview.
Sharon Morris – Because some of us are ridiculous.
And of course Queen of My Life, Diane Lockhart
There are so many great websites for TV fashion. Possessionista is one of my favorites, because she IDs fashion and also provides you with cheaper knock-offs or similar styles. Or you can simply type “dress like [insert character]” into Google, and you’ll find tons of articles directing you to examples. It’s amazing how channeling your fave can help you conquer.
Don’t stop creating, and don’t stop unicorn trotting. But don’t be afraid to find a woman who can help you breathe a little bit of fire as well.
Gimme A Break
August 11, 2015 § Leave a comment
Prisca writes,
I wanted to ask how I should take a break from my fandom. I love my fandom (1D), and I love going on Tumblr and being showered with funny posts that make my day. But lately I’ve been a little overwhelmed with everything that’s going on. Most people on Tumblr freak out when crazy news pops up. They cry and say, “This is too much. This is why I get no sleep.” I hate when people get too attached to them as if we own them.
I think I should take a small break like I did last year for about 2 months. I think I’ll just leave for one month this time, but I don’t want to miss out on the thing that makes me laugh the most on a day to day basis. I know school is coming up on the first and I’ll be busy, but I really love being on Tumblr. I don’t know if I should take a break now and cut it cold turkey or if I should wait for a good time during the school year, or for a whole semester.
I just wanted to ask when you think I should stop and if maybe I’ll feel better after the drama cools over. I just need to chill for a moment but I don’t want to miss out. What do you think the problem is/when should I take the break? Thank you.
Prisca! Thank you for asking such a wonderful question. The cold turkey question is one I come up against again and again as a fangirl. I can’t tell you how many times people type “how do I stop fangirling” into Google every day. No literally, I can’t. GEEZ GOOGLE.
In the field of addiction, there’s a huge debate about whether helping someone with an alcohol problem means helping them stop drinking all together (aka sobriety), or reducing their drinking (aka harm reduction). While fangirling is nowhere near as serious as a drinking problem, our brains can still get stuck in that pattern of needing that dopamine to keep us happy. So rather than pulling out the rug from under our feels, you have to learn to train your brain to think differently about One Direction.
I’ve been reading a lot lately about how to keep your brain healthy and insightful. In Mindsight, Dr. Dan Siegel talks about how in order to have good mental health, we have to encourage neuroplasticity in the brain. Neuroplasticity is a fancy 
word for how your brain builds new connections between neurons. The more connections there are, the more your mind is equipped to deal with the rough stuff. Even the drama of fandom! People will continue to freak out, but you won’t have to hit that panic button. You’ll just be chillin, Prisca.
So to be a more chill fangirl, you need neuroplasticity. How do you get it? Siegel says there are 3 basic ways:
- Exercise – More than any mental exercise, physical exercise benefits your brain the most. So being active is super important. Your butt should be moving and not forever planted in front of your computer on Tumblr.
- Novelty – Your fangirl brain needs to be exposed to new experiences and thoughts. So if you’re stuck on the same ship, the same fic, and the same Internet conversations, your brain becomes more rigid or chaotic in stressful situations. Visit a museum, read a new book, or take a class and learn how to do something new. Novelty is golden.
- Emotional Arousal – is the fangirl’s middle name. Yeah, I think we’ve got this one covered. Siegel says that engaging our emotions helps our brain form new connections. But don’t limit your emotional involvement to just two fictional idiots who haven’t kissed yet! Or in your case, the same 1D member’s personal drama. Find other causes and real life stories that ignite your passion.
So Prisca, yes hopping up and down in front of the TV with creys about a new ship covers these 3 basics. But the more creative you can be with building neuroplasticity, the less the fandom drama will bug you. You’ll be able to enjoy 1D without feeling emotionally sucked into the latest news.
Whether that means taking a break or not is up to you! If you’re adding some new experiences and interests to your daily routine, fangirling should be less of a chore and more of a treat. Flex your brain, and you’ll be ready for anything.
The Unfinished Fic
July 31, 2015 § 1 Comment
Every day my to-do list gets bigger.
I have multiple jobs, many articles to write, and 181 episodes of The X-Files left to watch. But in my brain two very small voices take shape, knocking on the door that hides the treasure: all the headcanon and conflict and kisses that have yet to be recorded and released into the wild of the Internet.
Yes, I started a fanfic a few months ago that I never continued. It’s possible that I’ve begun more fics than I’ve ever finished, and I’ve started to wonder what that says about me. Does it mean I’m a BAMFy lady who’s got too much to conquer? Or does it mean I’m a coward who can’t finish what I’ve started?
There are many reasons why we abandon fanfiction that we write, whether our readers realize it or not. Maybe when we die we’ll have to wrap them all up in fic-writing purgatory before we ascend to fangirl heaven (where we star in all our favorite shows and our hair is SO SHINY THOUGH). Here are a few possibilities why you never finished that angsty multi-chapter roller coaster, and what they can help you learn about yourself.
1. You outgrew the characters.
All relationships take work, and if you neglect fictional folks for a while you might find yourself falling out of love with them. But fangirls also mature and grow as humans, and they may find that that old Glee ship no longer seems appealing to them. I’ve often wondered myself how one ship can be my be-all and end-all, and then a few months later seem so. . .blegh. You can blame it on the writers for out of character plot, but ultimately there’s nothing wrong with outgrowing a pairing.
What this says about you: You’re a maturing lady who doesn’t have to apologize for wanting to ship a more mature pairing. GO FIND THOSE MIDDLE AGED REPRESSED IDIOTS.
2. You weren’t ready to be vulnerable.
Oh god, this one is so me. *hides face* Fiction writing is hard because it often feels more revealing about ourselves than writing nonfiction does. And putting those vulnerable moments in your story is hard work, especially when you’re not anonymous and your friends are going to read it. I’m not talking about sex, per say, because not all good fic has to be M-rated. Sometimes there is just a scene or a moment of conflict or even joy that we just can’t seem to write. We blame it on lack of experience with certain plot points, but deep down the next chapter just feels like it might reveal too much about ourselves, our struggles, and our deepest fears and dreams. So we stop, and our readers wonder what the hell happened.
What this says about you: Maybe you’re not quite ready to have a reader see what’s hard to write. Try pushing forward and finishing the chapter without showing it to them. Think of it as more of a therapeutic exercise. Then if you’re proud of what you’ve written, maybe you’ll have the courage to share. Or you can keep it just for you.
3. There was too much pressure from your readers.
Reviews. We say that writing fic isn’t about the praise, but I call BS. Because fic readers are always in search for MOAR (especially for less popular OTPs), chances are they’re going to love your work whether it’s Pulitzer worthy or not. Who doesn’t love a low praise bar? The problem is that as a story continues, the pressure builds to either keep the story going forever or to construct an ending that everyone will like. So it’s easier to just hang up your hat, start a different fic, or disappear from the Internets.
What this says about you: You care too much about what other people think. Being focused on praise and approval and not the story itself is only going to make you anxious. To shift the focus, try writing an entire multi-chapter story before you start posting chapters. That way your fic will reflect your true intentions and imagination more than the pull of the demanding reader.
4. You no longer needed the crutch.
Sometimes we write fic just for fun, and sometimes we need it to get us through a difficult patch in our lives. Maybe you retreat into a story when you’re home with your crazy family for Thanksgiving or after a nasty breakup. The fic crutch isn’t unhealthy as long as you’re taking care of yourself with additional strategies, and a good hurt/comfort or fluffy fic can be just the trick. But you may find that your resilient unicorn self has bounced back faster than you can resolve the plot, and your readers still want the goods.
What this says about you: You are quick to retreat into the imaginary when things get rough. This is both a coping mechanism but also a symptom of possible depression. Keep writing fic, but also pay attention to the urges, because they signal that maybe you need some extra support and healthy habits to help you through the tricky plot points in your own life.
Ultimately, it’s important to be kind to yourself when you examine the junk yard of abandoned fanfiction. You can see what you want to pick back up and refurbish, or you can pay attention to the new direction your imagination is taking you. When fic becomes work, we’ve lost the point entirely. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn a thing or two about ourselves along the way. Fic is the toy we pull down from the attic to play with time and time again, but it’s also a mirror that reflects how far you’ve come and how far you could go. So don’t be afraid to take a peek.
The Hand Snog
July 20, 2015 § Leave a comment
Liv writes,
Hi. So I keep falling in love with boys. Specifically Youtubers & Band Members. I snog my hand pretending it’s them. I kiss ‘them’ (a stuffie) goodnight. Whenever I’m out places I picture myself as if I’m walking with them. I read fanfiction almost 24/7 and pretend it’s actually happening. Then I’m over him and onto the next in a few months. I realize it’s like smoking—unhealthy. These thoughts are not good for my sanity, plus I’m scared I might touch a guy’s arm or something while I’m daydreaming and not realize. I’m also scared that the next time a boy likes me I’ll go too far since I keep looking for this unrealistic love. Please. I need help. How do I stop doing this to myself? How do I not fall for every new boy?
OOH MAKEOUTS!
Liv, I want you to know that making out with your hand is developmentally on point for any teenager, young adult, or congressman. And writing yourself into fic or headcanon isn’t unhealthy either. I have starred in any number of Emmy-winning television shows when I’m trying to fall asleep at night. When I died on LOST, it was SO DAMN MOVING.
Instead of focusing on how famous dude crushes are unrealistic, I want you to think about how your dreams can provide you some valuable information about yourself. So just for a minute, turn your focus onto yourself in these kissy daydreams. What is different about Band Member’s girlfriend Liv and Hand Snogging Liv? Do you see character traits you’d like to embody or improve?
When I think of the daydream version of myself, she’s not just smarter and more successful. She’s also braver, kinder to others, and a lot more easygoing. She doesn’t lurch around muttering sarcastic comments, and she’s not so damn hard on herself. This is a signal to me that these are the character traits I value above all others. Rather than worrying about going cold turkey on the imaginary feels, see how your dreams can generate a map for your own character development. Your plot arc may not have sexy times for a good while, but who cares when YOU’RE SO FUCKING AWESOME?!
We burrow into our imaginations because we’re fangirls, and that is a gift, not a curse. Don’t deny your unicorn nature, and don’t be ashamed that your mind is your greatest coping tool. Rather than pulling out the rug, see what healthy behaviors you can introduce instead. What would it look like if you were making out with LIFE, Liv? When you’re being brave and striving to be the best draft of yourself, you’ll have less time and less need to retreat back into fiction. So trot little unicorn! And let me know how it goes.
Love,
Kathleen
I’m back, baby!
July 17, 2015 § Leave a comment
I’m back!
For the past few months I’ve been tucked away in my writer’s cave finishing my book. Which, by the way, has a new title: The Fangirl Life: All the Feels (and How to Deal). Special thanks to brilliant artist Cami–I can’t wait for you guys to see what she’s drawn!
Many of the topics in the book were inspired by your wonderful questions here on the blog. It pained me to not be able to answer the dilemmas you’ve been emailing me while I’ve been in book mode. But in the coming weeks I’m going to be answering them, so don’t hesitate to keep sending in your questions. Especially the ones in ALL CAPS.
In addition to my writing, here are the top 7 fangirl adventures I’ve had while away.
7. Being the last person on earth to catch up on Sherlock.
6. Reading Star Wars novels and hiding in my sweatshirt every time Han and Leia argue.
5. Watching all of Catastrophe in one afternoon and crying about Sharon Horgan’s accent, hair, face, writing, everything. THANKS A LOT, JESS.
4. Having a Christine Baranski-inspired day in NYC with fangirl friend Lauren.
3. Buying and forcing high school friends to play the Slash card game with me, which is the greatest game in the history of feels. I’m sure Bowser and Mr. Bates will be very happy together.
2. Attending the best Cape Cod nerd wedding where we got to shout “So say we all!” during the ceremony. And I danced around all night in an alligator hat. Because yeah.
1. Losing my shit over Hardhome like everyone else.
The Fangirl Life is truly wondrous, and I can’t wait to share many more adventures with you! Check back soon to see the answers to your dilemmas! And be sure to follow my creys on twitter or tumblr if you aren’t already!
Love,
Kathleen
Inching towards non-conformity
May 12, 2015 § Leave a comment
So I’m pressing through this enormous task of writing a book. Being a writer is like playing a video game. Every time you succeed at something, you basically unlock a whole new level of mental illness. My book is my bipolar odyssey. I am manic when I am writing. Giant snowdrifts of index cards fill the room. Sentences come together, paragraphs disappear altogether. Accumulating words feel like my new life savings. 20,000. 30,000. 40,000. And then my knees knock as I lope down the mountain. When I’m not writing, I’m worrying that I should be. I think about writers who’ve built bigger platforms than I have, people who have an army of followers. Am I doing enough? “Enough” is the worst word there ever was.
Last week I finished reading Chris Guillebeau’s The Art of Non-Conformity. It’s one of those books that most people will dismiss as being unrealistic. Yes, most of us cannot make many dollars traveling to every country in the world and running a self-help blog. But I decided to take it seriously. I take fictional people seriously when they veer off the map, so why not a real person?
About a year ago I decided to take my dreams seriously. I began to examine whether a life of private practice, or non-profit paper shuffling, or academic politics was really right for me. Sure I was making money writing articles and ghost writing for therapists, but that income was like the icing on the cake. Icing that I’d scoop off and dump in my student loan balance. And until my debts were paid, I was going to have to get a real job, in a real office, and watch my vacation days accumulate at a glacial pace.
Guillebeau writes, “Change happens when the pain of transition becomes less than the pain of the status quo.” That was certainly the case for me. Three years of indentured servitude in a doctoral program was enough status quo for a lifetime. So I never walked into that office. I took a job that mostly let me work from home. And I found a second one. I started teaching in the evenings. And I wrote. I wrote like there was no rejection in the world that was going to keep me from writing. And no rejection did. Now I wake up whenever I want. I make coffee and sit on the porch in my pajamas, writing about hairporn and anxiety. Nothing else can happen until those 1,000 words are typed. My morning sentences are tadpoles, but they have strong legs by the time I’m done with them every night.
I work when I want, and where I want. The fact that this is even a possibility tells me how many myths we are fed about extreme adulting. But I also work hard. Because I don’t get paid if I don’t work, there is a constant fire under my butt. And because of that, my income is twice what it would be if I were in that office or writing that research paper.
I share this not to brag, but to challenge others and myself to consider the narratives that hold us in place. Why do we seldom challenge those myths that there are certain ways life has to be lived? Ways that students, helpers, mothers, and even fangirls must follow, no matter what. These were the lies I told myself:
- I can’t pursue my dreams until I pay off student loans.
- I need to finish my dissertation before I can write what I want to write.
- Turning 30 means it’s time to stop fangirling.
- No one wants to pay me to write about what interests me.
- 40+ hours a week in an office provides stability.
That last one is the funniest. I feel more financially secure than I ever did with a single job. You don’t have to worry about having the rug pulled from under you when there are 27 rugs.
Inching towards non-conformity looks different for different folks. But I think most people can agree on this one simple radical act: make sure your direction for the day doesn’t get buried under a mountain of “shoulds.” Under busywork and Internet usage that distract us from where we want to be. My favorite exercise from The Art of Non-Conformity includes questions to ask yourself when you wake up and when you go to bed. This is something I’m going to try and keep doing until it starts to invade my thinking about my work and my life.
Morning Questions:
- “How am I feeling?”
- “What do I want right now?”
- “What is the single, most important thing I can do today?”
Evening questions:
- “Who did I help today?”
- “How much time did I spent creating today?”
- “Did I move closer to one of my big goals today?
- “What do I want for tomorrow?”
Even if my morning answers are always, “Tired, Coffee, and Write,” I will keep asking myself what’s important instead of just what’s urgent. And then I’ll do exactly that. I won’t pay bills, I won’t sign paperwork, and I’ll try my best not to check Twitter until the most important task is complete. I climb back up the mountain, and try to descend with a little more self-compassion than I did the day before.
The Anti-wisdom of 30
April 30, 2015 § 3 Comments
Today was my last day of my twenties. A lover of middle-aged BAMFs, I’m more inclined to want to hit the fast forward button than to dread 30 like some of my peers. But the best place to be is always in the present, so I wanted to share with you where I am with myself rather than where I’m going.
I hate the “Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 20” Internet fluff articles because the thing about getting older is that you start to realize how much you don’t know. I knew a lot at 20, or at least I thought I did. Now I know a little about my own life, and I know that I want others to tell me about theirs. Listening to others forges a little venn diagram of our humanness that teaches, comforts, and challenges us. So I listen about half the time, and I don’t shut up the other half. But the balance is tipping.
At 30, I feel more gratitude than disgust when I think about the time I wasted on the wrong dudes. More pride than shame that I dropped out of divinity school when I knew it wasn’t right for me. Amusement rather than embarrassment that I have never really used my history degree. Patience instead of frustration that I still struggle with self-doubt and self-involvement.
So I guess that’s the catch, right? There’s no wisdom that I can share with you if you’re 22 because you just have to make the mistakes. You will do the dumb things. Date the wrong people. Maybe even get the graduate degree you’ll never use. It’s okay to be a quitter, but it’s also okay to not quite have the courage to quit and then learn from the experience.
Over the past 8 years, I’ve moved from Boston to Nashville to New Orleans to Austin to Tennessee and finally to DC. I’ve had a lot of jobs. A LOT OF JOBS. Consignment store lackee, domestic violence crisis hotline answerer, children’s book reviewer, newspaper reporter, 8th grade English teacher, juvenile justice researcher, substitute teacher, test prep tutor, diabetes researcher, vocational rehabilitation program coordinator, adult living skills trainer, family therapist, STEM classroom camera operator. And we can’t forget that one job I had where I got paid $50 an hour to read People magazine to Korean immigrants. That was the best one.
You see, I’m an excellent quitter. I won’t spend too long fighting something I don’t enjoy. I won’t leave friendships on life support that should really just end. I’m also, FINALLY, learning that there is no shame in being goofy. That all the facets of myself I spent so many years trying to hide, like fangirling, were actually the best things about me. And slowly but surely, I’m learning to not compete so much with other women. I spent so much of my 20s sizing up my appearance, intellect, status and self-worth with other women, and now all I want to do is cheer them on.
So that’s it. 30 is not just halfway to 60, as much as I joke about wanting to reach BAMFdom. There is nothing I should be or have or know because I’ve reached a multiple of ten. I am all the Kathleen’s I’ve ever been, and I’m learning to welcome them as company rather than embarrassing relatives you block on Facebook. And I’m excited for the versions of myself I’ve yet to meet, because they always seem to add just the right plot twist in my story.
Google Rundown Part Two
April 22, 2015 § Leave a comment
It’s that time again where I pick some of the random-ass questions you guys type into Google to find my site. And I answer them! Here are some of my favorites.
What are the words to describe a fangirl?
I’ll give you four. BETTER. THAN. EVERYONE. ELSE.
How to get over fangirling?
Get under a good book. Or honestly, don’t get over fangirling. Just make it work for you.
How many people become fangirls per day?
where I is the number infected, and R is the number of former fangirls who recover with immunity.
Who is Diane Lockhart?
I don’t know what to say in therapy.
Start with the truth. If you think your therapist isn’t doing a great job, tell him/her that. We want to know.
How to create fangirl phrases.
Take regular words you use and then turn them into acronyms like cool military speak.
Fangirl: That was off the charts OFB for a MAL.
Translated: A middle-aged lady exhibited outrageously fancy behavior.
How to tell people you’re a fangirl.
With words, or an interpretive dance set to Kenny Loggins’ “Danger Zone.”
How to save money if you are a fangirl.
Acquire a sand box shaped like a turtle. Bury a Sacagawea dollar in it every time you check Tumblr. BOOM life savings.
How to fangirl in class without getting caught.
YOUTHS OF THE WORLD, pay attention to your teachers. But if you’re in grad school, I suggest you use imessage on your laptop instead of texting. That way it’ll look like you’re taking diligent notes when you’re trading Cate Blanchett set photos from Carol instead. I MEAN LOOK AT THIS WOMAN:
Could a fangirl die without her TV shows?
Yes. But could a fangirl not die with her TV shows? No. We are not like Bernadette Peters and are mortal. Our time on this earth is short, so we just have to make sure we watch the right TV shows.
What happens to girls that fangirl?
They grow up to be badass women.
Self-help book for fangirls?
Oooh YAS I know this one! The Fangirl Life in 2016 from Perigee Books!
Fangirl Therapy 